Truely Treasured Winner!

To choose a winner for the Truely Treasured Wallet, I numbered the comments then used random.org to pick the winning number.  The winner was #10...Holly at Caring for Carleigh!

Holly, I will be emailing you with details on how to get your wallet!

Congrats!

Good Day

I can honestly say we had an awesome family day today. We did lots of family things and spent the WHOLE day together. That is awesome in my book.

Insta Friday

This is my first time to participate in InstaFriday at Life Rearranged and first time posting from my iPod with the blogg.er app! Wow, exciting, right?



So here is a summary of the week from the view of my instagtram app in all their grainy glory.

Enjoying our Good Friday walk, Ethan and I found this lovely toadstool.

We made Resurrection Rolls on Saturday Morning.

He was so surprised to see them empty and he can now tell the crusifiction, burial and resurrection stories.

We made our own Resurrection Eggs.

This little booger scarred me....

We took Jakin and Shyla their Easter Baskets.

Ethan and I cuddled up and watched the Prince of Egypt under this quilt.  The quilt was my dad's, but it was made by my aunt out of my great-grandmother's dresses.  It was the quilt my dad used while he was sick and Ethan told me it "smelled like Pa".

Ethan and his cousin hunted eggs at my brother in laws house on Saturday.

Saturday night we did an egg hunt at home with glow in the dark eggs and then told the resurrection story  with  what was inside.

Then we made glow stick art...I know this one is sideways!

Sunday, we met with a few of my cousins and the cousins kids hunted eggs together.  Ethan finished finding his limit quickly, so he was "helping" his cousin.

Ethan and his prizes from egg hunting.

His tow mater teeth were in an egg from his Nana.

We should have lots of these little beauties turning red soon!  Can't wait!

I got three Francis Chan books for free for my Kin.dle this week.  I  have wanted to read this one for a while, so I was really excited.

Ok, so there it was, a brief overview of our week through the eyes of my instagram app.

I hope you are all doing well and hop on over to my other blog and enter the giveaway for a lovely gift from Day.Spring!

Five Minute Friday: Good-Bye

I'm linking up today with Gypsy Mama and Five Minute Friday on the topic of "Good-Bye".  Five Minute Friday is for writing for five minutes without worrying if it is right...just write.  Be sure to link up and link back to Gypsy Mama and encourage another linker before you.

GO!

Good-Bye

I've gotten really good at saying good-bye over the past few years.  My husband and I were just talking about this very fact the other night.  Ethan will be turning 5 years old in May (Oh My Goodness!!!) and during his life we have had to say a lot of Good-Byes.  

The first good-bye was when my sister (well, technically, half-sister) passed away just two days after learning we were pregnant with Ethan.

Then, just four short weeks after Ethan's birth, my Grandfather had a very sudden stroke and passed away just a few days later on 7-7-07, just 7 days from his 77th birthday.  I will admit, this was the hardest good-bye I had said up until this point in my life.

Then September 2, 2009 was the day our 2nd child and only daughter was born quietly.  We said good-bye to Shyla Joy before she was born.  It would take lots longer than 5 minutes to describe this good-bye.

Just 14 months after that, in November of 2010, our third child, Jakin, developed a heart condition and passed away just days before Thanksgiving.  Again, nothing I have ever experienced before is harder than saying good-bye to your baby, no matter how tiny they are.

2011 was a easier year as far as good-byes.  The only thing we said good-bye to was the idea of having any more biological children.

Now, just a few months into 2012, we have said good-bye to my uncle and my father within a week of each other.  

Then we said good-bye to one of the sweetest baby faces I have ever seen as we placed him back in his birth mother's arms after six days.

I guess the good thing about all of these good-bye's is that they are not permanent.  As Ethan said when we released balloons at Shyla's graveside service, "See you later!!!"

Well...my five minutes are up!  

Redeemed {& a Giveaway!}

I love that I have been given the opportunity to review products by Dayspring and their new "Redeemed" collection.  I love Dayspring and I love the brightly colored products in this collection.

When my box arrive of products I was selected to review, I excitedly tore into it and found some beautiful things and this verse:

“In all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose.”

Romans 8:28



Redeemed Gift Bag

   To be honest, this is not the top scripture I have wanted to read since the beginning of 2012.  To be honest, I sometimes have a hard time seeing how God can work us bringing Samuel home just to give him back for "good".  To be completely honest, I can't see how seeing my father suffering and dying from lung cancer can be worked for "good".  BUT, that is exactly why I need God's redeeming love.  It is exactly why I need to repeatedly read this verse.  The verse doesn't say, "In all things God works for the good of those who love Him and they will get to see the good."  The verse does say, "In all things GOD WORKS for the good of those who love Him..." 

God working for our good doesn't always mean we will see the good. 

Was God working the day Samuel was born.  Yes. 

Was God working during my father's illness?  Most definitely. 

Is God working now, in the aftershock of grief?  Absolutely. 

I know He was working the day Samuel was born due to the miracle that took place and how close he came to not making it here safely.  I know He was working during my father's illness because I prayed with my dad and I have heard stories of him actually leading prayers with others.  That in itself is amazing.   I know God is working now because he has surrounded us with loving, caring people who will pray with us and for us and support us with their love and prayers.

So, I guess you could say, this verse is now one that I lean on regularly.  No matter what, God is working.  Whether I can see the good or not, God is working.

In All Things.

(Who knew all this would come from a product review?!)

One of the things I was sent for review was the Found Tea Cup.  I love this!  It may actually end up being a gift to remind a dear friend of mine that He is Working...

The I Am Found Mug.  I. love. this. mug.

I AM

found

redeemed

remade

transformed

treasured

and...

LOVED.

I love the little reminder of love in the bottom of the mug.  I think I feel a coffee craving coming on...

I was also sent the Love One Another Memofolio and the gift bag to review.  I love this little notepad and sticky notes.  I am a compulsive list-maker so these lovely stickies made me smile too.

All of these products were not only beautiful and well-made, their message is meaningful and so important.  You are loved.  You are redeemed.  God IS working.  I absolutely love this whole collection! 

But wait!

I have one more little goodie to show off...

And GIVE AWAY!

This lovely wallet is part of the Redeemed Collection, and I just love it so much! 

One truly treasured reader will be winning this Truly Treasured Wallet!  The giveaway will be open until Midnight, Tuesday, April 17, 2012 and the winner will be chosen at random. 

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment below telling me how you have seen God Work in your life in the midst of a hard time.  That's it!  Just share how God worked to redeem a situation or how you felt him working.  Think hard, it may not be something obvious!

Now, for no extra entries (just to be nice and give others the opportunity to win!) share this giveaway with someone you treasure.  Send an email to a friend or some one who has allowed God to work through them to redeem the hard times. 

(I was sent these products from Dayspring in return for a review, but all thoughts and opinions are my own.)

Our Time With Him

I decided to blog more in-depth about our time with Samuel at my other blog.  It is my loss blog after all.  I hope to have an update soon about the next steps we will take on this adoption journey.  Hop on over to Beauty Will Rise to read about saying hello, going home, and saying good-bye.

Coming Home and Saying Good-bye.

(This is a continuation of my last two posts about our process of bringing home the son we were adopting and having to say good-bye. )

Tuesday


We got up and took our time getting ready for the day.



A photographer friend of mine that lives not far from where we were met us at the hotel to take our first family pictures.  We were tired, but you can tell we were so happy.  Here are just a few.









We actually had to check out of our room, but the hotel was really nice and let us use their lobby.

We finished up there and had a couple hours before Samuel's follow up doctor's appointment, so we decided to get some lunch.  The waitress asked how old he was and I  told her 4 days.  She looked at me and said, "Shew girl you look good!"  I told her we were in the process of adoption, but she didn't hear me.  She went on and on about how he looked like my husband and how she hopes he gets Ethan's big blue eyes.  We just smiled and placed our order.  I literally could not stop smiling.

After lunch, we drove back to the hospital and met A (Samuel's birth mother there).  We got right in to see the pediatrician and Samuel's bilirueben levels looked great.  He had some mild baby acne and the Dr. ordered some cream for it.  The doctor asked lots of questions about his delivery and A answered them.  Then he asked questions about how he did while in the hospital and about the night before, which I answered.  Then he asked us if we were friends.  I'm sure he was wondering what the situation was with us.  We told him about the adoption plan and he said that one of the nurses had mentioned that.  He asked if we had any biological children and I briefly told him our story.  He commended A and told her what a great thing it was she was doing for us.  Especially after having a c-section.

We had to go to the on-site pharmacy for the cream and that took about 45 minutes.  Then, we were on our way home.  The almost 3.5 hour drive went great.  We both made some calls to let people know we were finally coming home and I talked with our pastor about Samuel's dedication at church.  There was already a baby dedication planned for the next Sunday, but our Pastor said if we wanted to wait and make his a special day just for him we could.  He also asked us to tell our story and share our testimony that day.  Many of our church family know our story, but we attend a very large church, so many still do not.

As we got back into town, we had to stop at my Mom's house and my Grandmother came over.



His socks are off because my Mom and Grandma always have to see baby feet.  I mean, who doesn't love baby feet?

Mom had cooked dinner for us so we stayed a while, then went home to get settled in as a family of four!  The night went well and the next morning we were refreshed and ready to really get into a routine.

Wednesday


There were many things that were so exciting about having him home.  We had decided to cloth diaper, so we started that and used the room in our house that has been a nursery two times before.  We used his new changing table and just took in every little look he gave us.  Then, late in the morning, my cell phone rang.  I was changing Samuel's diaper and he peed in the middle of the change, and he didn't like having to change his clothes again, so I had my hands full.  Ben told me it was A and answered it.  She must have asked for me, so Ben and I traded places and I took the phone.

The first thing she said was, "Mattie, I don't know how to tell you this..."  My heart immediately hit my stomach and I knew what she was going to say.

"I can't do this.  I tried, I really did, but I just can't do it."

I started crying and didn't know what to say.  I won't share our whole conversation.  But the short version is, she had bonded with him even when she was trying not to.  He looked so much like her first born, it was too painful to not parent him.  I had told her from the beginning we were going to try to make this whole process as easy as we could for her.  I asked her if she even had a carseat to take him home.  She said she was borrowing one.  I told her we had to make some arrangements and we would call her later.

I bawled in my bedroom with the door shut until my husband came in.  I straightened myself up a little.  I didn't have to tell him what was going on, but after him, came Ethan.  He climbed up on the bed and asked what was wrong.  I told him A called. I told him she really wants to be Samuel's mommy now and we have to take him back to her.

"NO!!" He yelled and buried his face in his hands.  "That will make everything broken again!"

He laid his head on my shoulder and cried.  He told me to call her back and just tell her no.  Tell her that I am his mommy and he is his brother.  I was holding Samuel and Ethan asked if he could hold him again, so I let him.  Ethan said, "Mommy, it feels like he is passing away."


Ben stayed with Ethan and Samuel and I began to pack his things.  All the clothes we had bought for him (except what he had already worn), a few packs of diapers, burp clothes and bibs and receiving blankets.  I packed the little socks and paci's and bottles.  The little Bible that we had for Samuel.  The one just like Ethan's little Bible.  The one I wrote 1 Samuel 1:27 in the front of.  "For this child I prayed and God granted me what I asked of him."

Ben called our attorney who told us we had to wait for the custody order to be vacated by the judge, because until that happens, we were legally responsible for Samuel.  I asked Ben to call Ashley and tell her.  We drove to my Mom's to leave Ethan because it would have been too hard for him to say good-bye like we were going to have to.  A little while later we heard back from the attorney and the judge was not going to be able to vacate the order until the next day.  I texted A and told her and she said she figured we might need another night and that was ok with her if we just waited until the next day.  We went home and sat together as a family.  All of us took our turns crying.  We also took turns feeding, changing, dressing and holding sweet Samuel.

I didn't sleep much that night, I could hardly take my eyes off of him.

Thursday


About 10:00am we got the call that it was over.  Samuel was no longer ours.  We took Ethan to Mom's and she gave us a bag full of things she had purchased for him for us to give to A.  Ethan kissed Samuel and my Mom prayed over him and us.  We texted A and her friend was going to drive her half way to meet us.

We had to stop before we got there to feed and change Samuel.  We were to our meeting place first and I snapped just a few more pics of this sweet face.



He made some really sweet eye contact and I talked to him and prayed over him.

When they pulled up my knees went weak, but I knew what I had to do.  Ben got the bags and bags of baby stuff and I carried Samuel to her and told her where his medicine and formula were.  I told her about the stuff in the bags and I held it together well for a few minutes.

Then I kissed his little face and placed him in his birth mother's arms and the tears started.  I hugged her quickly and hugged her friend and told her to take care of them.  I peeked in the back seat of the car and said something to Samuel's biological brother and turned my back and quickly walked to our van.  Ben was right beside me.  As soon as we shut the doors, I began weeping uncontrollably facing away from them.  I just couldn't stand to watch them put him into that seat and drive away, so we left quickly.  It's been a long time since I cried like that, but I recognized what kind of cry it was.

***

It has been almost two weeks since we left that parking lot.  I have been emailing A and they are now back in her home state.  Samuel is doing well.  She kept the first name we gave him and appreciates all the stuff we sent.  We have gotten the bill from the attorney and decided that one of us should have went to law school.  We will continue to try and keep in touch with Samuel and his family, A said she knows we have bonded and would like for him to meet us someday.