I can talk about her without tears gushing from my eyes.
I can look through her things and not always cry.
I can think about the course of events and not hate myself so much (most of the time).
I can contemplate future children without the fear being as strong. It's still there, but not as crippling as it once was.
I can visit the cemetary and know SHE is not there. It is just a symbol and it's ok not to go there ever day or even every week.
I can control my frustration, anger and hurt when people forget to mention her, don't ask about her or wrinkle their brow when I do.
I can remember my pregnancy with fondness. The sadness is not gone, and I don't think it ever will be, but I can remember some of the precious things and smile.
There are lots of things I can do Five Months Later.
There are also lots of things I can't.
I choose to focus on the the cans right now. The can'ts are still too overwhelming at times. But here I am, Five Months after saying goodbye to my darling daughter. I'm still here. I'm still breathing, still living. The more time passes the further I feel from her. But the odd paradox is with each day that passes, I am actually getting closer to her. Closer to the day that I will hold my sweet baby girl again. I can't even begin to imagine what that day will be like.
And I'm still here.