Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Different Kind of Healing

God healed Jakin's heart today, but not the way we were wanting.

I'm saddened beyond words to let you all know that today, between 3:00 and 4:00pm our Jakin went to be with Jesus.

We met with our pediatric cardiologist and after having a hard time finding a heartbeat, one was finally located, but was only beating at 40 bpm.  She cried and prayed with us and told us and sent us to the high risk OB I have been seeing.  As soon as we arrived, we were ushered to another ultrasound room and by the time the ultrasound got started, no heartbeat could be found at all. 

He went over our options with us and assured us there was nothing we could or should have done differently.  He told us repeatedly that this was a very, very rare outcome.  He made sure we knew it had nothing to do with the reasons that Shyla went to Heaven and that the liklihood of it happening in future pregnancies is pretty much non-exsistant.  He answered our questions and sent us home.

We talked to my local OB on the way home and have been instructed to arrive at L&D around 8:30 in the morning to be induced.  I am not far along enough to require another c-section, so I will be medically induced and the Dr said Jakin would be born between 12 and 36 hours later.  He warned the medication they will be using will make me feel "crappy" with fever and possibly nausiated.  We will be taking the laptop and I will update as I can.

We ask for prayer tonight and in the days to come.

Please pray that Ethan's heart is protected and that we parent him like we should and answer his questions the way God wants us to.  He is 3 1/2 and has now experienced the death of two siblings in a matter of just over 14 months.

Please pray delivery goes smoothly and quickly with no other complications.

Please pray for our families and friends that have walked and are walking this path with us.  They are amazing.

God is with us.  We know it.  We have walked this road once before.  God's peace has already started to show evident.  Today was a good day in Heaven.  Angels rejoiced as Jesus carried Jakin into the Lord's presence and his heart was healed. 

Ecclesiastes 7:1 says "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth."  Today was better than tomorrow.  The word also says that God weeps with those that weep.  We know He is in tears with us now as we prepare to deliver our third child to His arms and in the days ahead as we plan and bury one of our babies for the second time.

We love you all and appreciate all of your kind words and prayers.

57 comments:

Jocelyn said...

Mattie, there are no words to express the sorrow that I feel for each of you and I know that your sorrow far exceeds mine. You have my deepest sympathies as you walk this hard road yet again. Jakin will be well cared for by his big sister. You are in our constant prayers. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.

Much love to each of you,
Ryan, Jocelyn and Kirsten

Jaime said...

Oh Mattie my everything goes out to you and your family at this time. I am so sorry that your little Jakin could not stay longer.

xo

LORi said...

Mattie...I'm am heartbroken for you! I admire your strength and love for our Lord!! You have been a huge inspiration and influence to many people. You are special and loved!! I am praying for you 3 tonight and will continue!! Praying for amazing strength, peace, understanding and safety!!
I love you!!
If there is anything I can do please let me know!!
Hugs and Blessings - LORi

Shaina N said...

Mattie,
My heart weeps for you. There are no words to express how much sorrow I know you are going through. I'm lifting you up, and praying hard for you. You will be on my mind and in my heart and my prayers tomorrow.

I am so, so sorry.

Let me know if I can do anything to help.

Shaina, Carl and Keevia

Anonymous said...

What a treasure Heaven holds! We are praying for all of you, especially in these coming days. May you feel God's embrace and healing. We are so sorry for your loss here on earth; but so thankful for the promise we have that one day, Jakin will run into your arms!

Prayers and blessings,
Kelly Spiro and family

Lori said...

I don't have any words...just prayers and more prayers. I am so, so sorry. Please know you are thought of, lifted, loved and being held safely in His arms.

Antoinette said...

I dont know you,but you are a special person to my friends Lori, Jaime and Tami and I am completely heart broken to hear of your sweet baby...I will pray for you and your family. I dont have any magic words as you already know there are none...I pray that you can hold, kiss and take tons of pictures that will help heal your heart in the future....Im so so sorry xoxoxo

Misty said...

Oh Mattie, I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your family. My heart is aching with you.

Celeste said...

I read about your story on the Baby Loss Mamas Facebook Page and have been reading through your blog ever since. I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Jakin. I will be keeping you and my family in my thoughts as you go through the delivery of your beloved son. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Mattie,
Words cannot express what I am feeling for you and the rest of your family right now. You are such a strong person, and you have been such a light for everyone that knows you, including me. I have not been through the trials that you, Ben and Ethan have been through but your wisdom and strength have helped me in others. I have been praying so hard for you and Jakin. God answers prayers, sometimes not the way we think. It is a sad time right now but you have reason to rejoice. You have a son and a daughter that is with the Lord. They got a free ticket. Rest assured that they are WELL taken care of. Shyla has got a little brother to take care of, and papa's got a baby on each knee! I love you guys. If you need anything please let me know. I will be there. You are in my prayers, several times a day. I am claiming the blood of Jesus over you through delivery. I am praying for comfort and peace in Jesus name. Love you.
Rachel Dishman

Courtney said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I too know the pain of losing more than once child as we said goodbye to our third son this May.

My heart will hold you and your family close as you endure this saddening heartbreak yet again.

*hugs*

celeste said...

How embarrassing. Of course I meant that I would be keeping YOUR family in my thoughts. Sorry about that.

Andrea said...

I am heartbroken for you and your family. I am so sorry that this very difficult path lays ahead of you once again and I hope that you can find peace, in time. You will be on my mind tonight, into tomorrow and into the days that come. Love and hugs to you and your family.

Busy Momma said...

Saying "I'm sorry" is just not enough but there are no words to say.

Kelli with Love said...

So very sorry, Mattie. God bless your family during this time and always.

Monica said...

Mattie, I don't know you but I know Jaime and Lori. I'm so sorry for your losses. It's so unfair to go thru another loss. My son is 3 1/2 and having lived thru losing his baby sister last December I can't imagine what it is like to explain another loss to to your 3 1/2 year old. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Mattie, Ben, & Ethan, I cannot begin to describe how sorry and heartbroken I am for you guys. You are three of the stongest people I know and I am so proud that you fully rely and trust in our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ to comfort you and to protect Baby Jakin. Much, much love to you three. Rest easy, our Lord has Baby Shyla and Baby Jakin in his arms, He will protect them and wrap His loving arms around you three. I will do anything possible for you, please let me know if there is anything you need.
-Shellie

Anonymous said...

I have no words to say...there are no words...only God can heal a hurt like this. I really don't know how you have been able to do it, but you have called out to Him and He has comforted you. And we are all better people for having known you. What an inspiration your precious family is to all of us Mattie...I am so very sorry sweetie. Love, Pattie

Mary said...

Mattie, I just heard about your story. And, I have no words. No words at all. I am very sorry to hear about Jakin. But, I can hear your strength in your words. I will keep you in my prayers.

Lisette said...

Mattie, I am in tears right now. I am so brokenhearted for you right now. I am shocked!
I am praying for you and your family. I don't know what to say.
((HUGS)) my friend.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You and yours are in our prayers. I can only wish that I should have the strength that your family does. We love you all sweetie!

Hope said...

Mattie, I am so incredibly sorry that Jakin died....I know the pain of losing 2 precious little ones. Hugs & prayers.....Hope (www.hopesjourneyblog.blogspot.com)

Radiant Readhead said...

mattie I am so incredibly herat broken for you. It is hard enough to lose one angel, but a second.....hugs...and i am sorry....God Bless!

Megan said...

There are no words sweety. I lost my daughter August 23rd, 2010... So I know what it is like to give back a baby to our Glorious maker!
I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to!

All my love and prayers,
Megan
www.fraserlifeunfolding.blogspot.com

Allison (Ali) said...

There are no words to express the sorrow I know you are feeling right now. My thoughts and prayers will be with you over the coming days.

Karen said...

Mattie,
My heart goes out to you and your precious family. I am so sorry about sweet Jakin. I have been following your story and my heart went out for you with each post or facebook update.

Know I am praying for you...

May God pour out His abundant grace and cushion your hearts as you walk down this path...
Much love....

Marie W said...

Mattie, my heart hurts for you and your family. I am so very sorry. Praying for the Master to wrap his arms around you tightly. <3

Heather said...

Mattie, my heart is breaking for you in having to relive the pain of loss yet again, while still missing your Shyla. I just want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers today and in the days to come. Sending much love....

Stephanie said...

Mattit,

I can't stop crying. I am just devastated for you and your family. I will pray that you are able to be the parent I know that you are for your son and that he too is supported as you are in this time.

It is so unfair. I know that you were all Jakin could have asked for in a mama. I pray that in the days to come . . .when it gets harder, that you continue to feel God and are surrounded by His love and comfort through those around you. I pray that NO ONE forgets your pain and allows you to grieve the way you need to.

cheryllookingforward said...

I'm sending you lots of love, Mattie. I'm so sorry.

Ashley said...

We love you all. Please call us if we can do anything at all.

Lee Anne said...

Mattie........I just found out this morning and am truly at a loss for words. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers today and in the days to come.
I don't know why but feel God leading me to post this verse:
Daniel 4:15: "But leave the stump with its roots in the ground, and with a band of iron and bronze around it, in the tender grass of the field."
With hugs,
Lee Anne

Jamie Jones said...

Mattie,

My heart is broken for you. If there is anything that I can do for please let me know. You've been such a blessing to me. We'll be praying for your family.

Jamie.

Tiffany said...

i found your blog through BLM page on FB. i'm so very sorry for your loss. i recently lost my 4.5 mo old to SIDS, and am still fresh in the grief. but i'm crying with you for the loss of your 2 children. no mother should have to lose their child, let alone lose 2 of them. know that i will be keeping you and your family close to my heart. and i pray that you receive a bit of comfort during this gutwrenching time. ((hugs))

Jayme said...

Oh no, I am so very sorry! I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Jennifer said...

God bless you and your family! I am so very sorry for your losses. I pray for God to wrap you all in his loving arms. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am just heartbroken for you. I am so,so sorry...

brigette said...

I am so sorry for you once again! It is hard enough loosing one baby the sadness of 2 breaks my heart for your family. I will be sending many prayers and hugs your way today and in the weeks to come.

Melissa said...

Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you having to go through this a second time. You and your family will be in my prayers. This is not an easy road to travel, but I am glad that you will feel God by your side. ((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

Mattie and Ben
My heart is so sad for you in this loss of your precious baby
May God be with you during this time

Joyce Johnson

JenJen said...

I am coming over from Marie's blog~

I wanted to over you my sincere condolences on your loss of Jakin (also, on your loss of Shyla). There are no words to express how sorry that I am for your heartbreak. It doesn't seem fair that anyone should have to lose 1 baby, let alone 2...

Huge ((hugs))

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

Elainna said...

Mattie, I am heartbroken for you. I wish I had comforting words but there are none. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. So, so sorry. Hugs

Holly said...
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Holly said...
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Deb Walker said...

My heart aches for your family right now.
You are all in my prayers.

Holly said...

Mattie, I am so sorry for what has happened. I was praying so much for Jakin's heart to be ok. Now I am praying for God's peace and comfort to continue to be around you. I admire that you continue to stand strong in the Lord when it could be so easy to turn away. I'm sure Jesus and Shyla are welcoming him with open arms.

Once A Mother said...

Mattie, I am so very sorry to read this sad news. Your sweet Jakin is in my heart tonight, and you are in my prayers for a smooth delivery. I don't know.. there just aren't the right words. I am so, so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Your sorrow is heartbreaking, I am so sorry.... I know your Jakin will be rocked in the arms of the angels while God shines His love upon Jakin.
May God give you courage and solace in this sad, sad time.

((((hugs))))
Paula

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Praying for you....wish I had words of comfort, but there are none right now. Just know that you are in my heart and in my prayers. Along with many others. Weeping with you...praying for you. With much love...

Carli said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that you are being comforted in a way that only God and faith can provide. I will be thinking of you.

Sarita Boyette said...

My heart goes out to you all. To lose one child is sorrowful beyond compare - I cannot imagine what you are feeling now that Jakin has gone to Heaven, too. I have been praying for him and your family, and I will continue to pray that your delivery will go smoothly. It will be a bittersweet moment when he enters this world, and I know your only comfort is that he is already in a Heavenly world with our Father.

Andrea said...

I too am heartbroken and so very sorry for your loss. I've been following your blog since I lost my son when I was 19 weeks pregnant in May and was so excited to read about your rainbow baby. I was shocked when I read this post about your sweet Jakin. It is so unfair that you have to endure the pain a second time. I know there aren't many words of comfort I can offer. Only that I will be thinking of you and your little ones often.

Michele said...

Sending many prayers... (here from Marie's blog)

AHB said...

Oh Mattie..my heart is breaking for you and your family. I am just so sorry you have to go through this again..I am sending many prayers and hugs to help you get through this difficult time. May God grant you peace..

cullensblessings said...

My heart simply aches for you. I do not know how you have such strength but I am amazed and grateful for it. I lost my son- our fourth child in September and I still have no idea how to walk in this life.
All of my thoughts are with you....

Melani said...

I haven't been on the computer in a few days! My heart is breaking for you! I so am sorry...you will all be in my prayers!

Tanika said...

Dear Mattie,

I am so extremely sorry to learn of Jakin's passing. I pray that you experience peace and comfort in the days ahead. May you feel the power & presence of God in your darkest hours.
HUGS!
Tanika