Thursday, November 25, 2010

Jakin's Birth Story

First, we would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers as we have began this journey once again.  God never left our side.

We arrived at the hospital around 8:30 yesterday morning and after the admit process and paperwork, the medication began.  I got an IV of fluids and Dr. C came in, talked with us and gave me the first round of Cytotek to soften the cervix and begin dialation.  He said I would get this medication every 4 hours until delivery and warned it could take up to 5 doses.

We began the wait and contractions slowly began sometime before noon.  I got the second dose of Cytotek at 1:30.  Contractions began getting stronger and longer, so the nurse called the anestesiologist to prepare him for my epideral when the time was right.  After talking to him, my nurse informed me that I could not have an epideral.  The Lovenox I was on to prevent clots is known to create them if an epideral occurs with 48 hours of the last dose.  The risk of a clot in the spinal column leading to paralyzation was too high, so they agreed that when I asked for it, I could have pain meds through the IV.

By this time the contractions were getting really strong and I couldn't really speak through them.  I could only get comfortable on my side, so thats how I stayed.  Jakin is my third child, but this is the first time I have been in full labor.

Very suddenly, close to 5:00pm I started feeling strong pressure and we called the nurse.  Honestly, I knew it was time, but I was scared.  I knew once I pushed, it would all be over and we would begin saying our final good-byes.  When the nurse got into the room, I think I was yelling...I don't know what I was saying, but it was probably begging her to help me.  I was scared.

She quickly got her gloved on and checked me and the bag of waters had desended, but not burst, which is what they wanted to see.  She called Dr. C and told him to come quick.  She had bareley gotten offf the phone when I felt the extreme urge to push. 

At 5:05, Jakin Isaac was born.  8.4 ounces and 9 inches long.

But, I couldn't see him or hold him yet.  The nurse called the Dr. back and let him know and to come on over.  I had to wait on the Dr to come, break the bag of waters and cut the cord.  The placenta had not passed yet.

When Dr. Cunningham walked in the door, he got right to work and soon they had wrapped Jakin in a blanket and laid him on my chest.  He had the most perfect little ears, and fingers and toes.  The shape of his fingernails reminded me of Ethan (I know it must sound crazy, but it's true).  We took photos and he stayed in the room with us until the funeral home came to pick him up at around 8:30.

After he was born, there was still the risk that I might have to have a D&C if the placenta didn't pass on its own.  So we waited and waited.  Finally, sometime after 7:00, Dr. C came in and got it out non-surgically.

The funeral director and another lady from the funeral home came sometime after 8.  They talked with us, and of course said how much they were not expecting to see us in this situation again.  I really appreciate them and how sensative and gentle they have been.

After we talked, we knew it was time to say good-bye.  Ben brought him to me one more time and I looked at him and said goodbye on this side of Heaven.  Ben carried him to the funeral home director who had a bag marked "fragile".  Inside this bag was the little casket we have seen before.  They gently placed him inside and we watched as they closed the lid.  This moment was probably the hardest one moment about this day.

When they left, I finally got to eat a few bites of food and drink, but after not eating anything for 24 hours and what had just happened, I suddenly didn't have much of an appetite.

The nurse graciously moved us to a different room with a more comfy bed and better internet access and by 10:00 we were settled in for the night.

It's now Thursday morning and I expect to be discharged in the next few hours.

I'm tired.  No, that's probably an understatement.  I'm beyond tired.  But I survived and now we must take the next steps to finish the funeral arrangements and get through the next few days.  I know God was with us.  He never left our side.  He was there, crying with us and holding us tight.

To all of you who have messaged, commented, and been praying for us...Thank you for letting God use you to minister to us.  You just don't know how much it means.

26 comments:

Holly said...

This just grips my heart. Thank you for sharing it with us and for sharing Jakin with us. I know we all wish so much it had been a different outcome. I'll continue to pray for you and your family. I wish you didn't have to deal with what lies ahead. :'(

No doubt the moment they closed the lid and took him away was the hardest. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. Lots of love to you. ♥

Marie W said...

Mattie, I have no words. Please know that I m lifting you all up in prayer.

Jess said...

My heart is just breaking for you and your husband. Your grace and strength are an inspiration. Praying for you and your family in the days to come.

SLM said...

Praying for you and your family during this time. I, too, delivered 4 babies much too soon. My first was stillborn. I remember it like it was yesterday...

Cling to God and your family during this time. And if you can't cling to Him, cling to those who also love Him and they will help you through.

Much love,
Shannon

*Laura Angel said...

My heart breaks for you. Thinking of you and your sweet Jakin.

rebecca said...

Oh Mattie, I'm so incredibly sorry you are grieving another loss. My heart is breaking for you, this is not the way things should be. Thinking of you and hoping God grants you the strength you need to move forward.

Stephanie said...

I am so so so sorry. I want this to have been a different story. One where Jakin is alright and coming home with you. I don't even have the right words ~ just know that I am sitting here praying and crying for you.

belle said...

there are no words my friend.... praying for you. sending you love and hugs. remembering your precious little son....

Virginia's Mommy said...

I came to your site through Sufficient Grace Ministries. I am soo sorry for the loss of Jakin. It is my prayer that you will be surrounded by the love of family and friends who can support you through this difficult time.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Holding you close in my heart today. Praying for your comfort and strength. ((HUGS))

Tiffany said...

thinking of you and holding you close to my heart. pls know that i am mourning the loss of little Jakin with you. ((hugs)) it is just not right for a person to experience this heartbreak multiple times. i'm so sorry.

Lacie said...

I am so very sorry. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. May got provide your grieving hears with peace, comfort, and healing in the time to come.

Melissa Joy said...

Oh Mattie... I just read this. I am joining in prayer now with you and for you. For your whole family. I am beyond words. I am un-utterably sorry. May the Lord continue to bottle your tears, carry your burdens, and give you peace which passes any understanding.
Grieving with you.

Shaina N said...

I'm sobbing for you as I read this. No words can express. I am so sorry Mattie. So, SO sorry. No one should ever, ever have to go through this. My heart aches for you, and you have been in my heart and my prayers since I read on Facebook. I love you and I'm lifting your family in prayer.

Jennifer said...

Praying, praying, praying...

Jen: Proud Mom of 7 Adopted Miracle Blessings said...

You are absolutely amazing!!! I know the pain of watching your babies heart beat too slow, and the pain that happens after it stops...

Sending prayers and hugs your way...

Jayme said...

I am so sorry, Mattie.

Kat said...

Mattie, I am so so sorry for your loss, once again. I am praying for you and your family and especially your little man. I know he must be abit confused, but children are so resilient, I am sure he is amazing! just like his mama. God Bless You thru this time and always. You have such faith and strength. You really are amazing. I know God did not want Jakin to suffer and to go thru any more than he had to. We are all thinking of you and praying for you.

Enough happiness said...

I am so sorry. I'll be praying for you.

Heather said...

(((Mattie)))
I am speachless. My heart is overwhelmed with sorrow for you all, and I am so broken for you.
My heart aches at the familiar feeling of holding your baby before he is taken away from you.
I so wish this wasn't happening.
Yet we know where Jakin is right now...never to hurt a day of his life. Yet...why doesn't that knowledge help our grieving hearts while we are apart from our children.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will be praying for you as you grieve and as you parent your precious son at home through this time.
Heather (GOL member and fellow baby loss mommy)

Melissa said...

Thanks for sharing Mattie. I will be praying for you.

mrsnice777 said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss!!!

(((((hugz))))
Jamie

Radiant Readhead said...

oh mattie, you and your family has been in my thoughts and prayers all weekend! I am so sorry...i have no other words. I am heartbroken for you and you family. Hugs!

Bree said...

I remember that moment before I pushed. I felt the same way. I didn't want Ella to leave my body. I'm so sorry you had to do this again. Thank you for sharing Jakin's story with us. xo

butterflymom said...

I am so impressed by your strength and perseverance to keep going... You are an amazing person and mother. Jakin is so lucky to have you... I will be praying and thinking of you lots. Take care.

Elainna said...

Oh Mattie. My heart aches for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. Your strength and faith is inspiring. Praying for you and your family. May God continue to hold you tight and give you strength.