Saturday, October 10, 2009

Is that what I sound like?

Recently, my 2 1/2 year old son has sounded like a broken record.  A lot of our conversations have gone like this;
"Mommy?  Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?" (Before I can get a word in...) "Mooommmmyyy?"

"Yes, Ethan?"

"Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?"

"Yes, Ethan, do you need something?"

He gives me a smile..."Mommy...."

And so on.  I admit it, I was getting kind of frustrated the other day.  Between his requests for juice, milk, a BeeNana (banana) and to watch his favorite movie he refers to as "Light Queen" (Cars) and his constant repeating of my much loved nickname all while I was trying to write an article to put in the local newspaper regarding October 15th, I thought I was going to loose it.  I was feeling kind of fragile and I heard his little footsteps getting closer to the computer desk, approaching from behind.  I felt like I was about to get ambushed.  He quietly came around to my side and placed his hand on my knee.

"Mommy sad?" he asked in the most sympathetic tone a 2 year old could muster.

What do I say?  His big blue eyes blaring, waiting for an answer.  I decided honesty was best a long time ago, so I answered his question.

"Yes, honey, Mommy's a little sad..."

"Mommy cry'n?"

"No, Mommy's not crying."

"Mommy happy now?"  His little forhead was wrinkled.  He was obviously concerned.

"Yes, Ethan, Mommy is happy now because you are here with me." I reached down and puckered up for one of the best kisses...a kiss from my boy. 

He smiled and kissed me and then turned away like his job was done.

And this is when guilt started to set in.  How could I even begin to be irritated by such a sweet, caring child.  He obviously doesn't repeat my name 50,000 times a day to annoy me.  He does it because he likes to say my name.  I should be honored, not annoyed.  And he doesn't rattle off a list of unending demands all day to be bossy, he does it because he knows that I will meet his needs (and often his wants) to the best of my ability.  Then it hit me...

Is that what I sound like to God?

Listing my needs and wants like a shopping list everyday.  Give me this and that and everything else I want?  Do I really sound like that?  I hope not.  Or at least I hope my Father doesn't react the way I do.  I hope I call on his name without asking anything, just to show Him how much I love Him.  Just seeking to be near to Him and get His attention.  Because I know that when my son calls my name, with no request following, it is simply because he  wants to be WITH me and wants my eyes to fall on him.  Aren't we blessed that God doesn't hate to see us coming and think, "Oh no, not her again".  I really don't want to sound like that to my God.  I hope my praises to him outnumber my demands, He deserves those and so much more.

So, the next time I hear that little voice saying the name I answer to most, I hope I can see the beauty in his unspoken request to just see him.

4 comments:

Jessica said...

We are never a bother to our God. He wants that relationship with each of his children.

Mattie said...

I know, it's a good thing, right?

Heather said...

I feel the way sometimes - like I sometimes spend all my prayer time giving God my wish list for that day, when I know relationship is about so much more. But I also know He loves us and never minds hearing our requests. :)

Anonymous said...

You have blessed me so, just listening to the way you love your children. I love you!