My dad was still in the hospital from his biopsy he had had the Tuesday and my brother and his family had driven in from Oklahoma City, so we were going to try to get to the hospital early. We stopped by the cemetery on our way out of town and brought our girl some roses.
My Mom had gotten the dragonfly and we placed it between Shyla and Jakin's stones. There is the large one with pink wings then there are smaller ones with blue wings and pink butterflies that you can't see real well in the photo.
Ethan still likes to go to "Shyla and Jakin's" as he calls it. He has never called it a cemetery and I know he has heard us refer to it as one.
I made pink cupcakes and took them to my Mom's house to share with everyone and we went to the hospital to see my Dad. He was in the CVU, so we could only go back to see him a couple of people at a time and kids weren't allowed back, so we took turns and played with the kids in the waiting room.
Dad was released that night about 6 and we ran a couple of errands and ate dinner together.
I know it's been two years and I know it makes people sad, but compared to last year, no one really mentioned her (besides other loss moms on fb and a few other close friends on my fb page). The first year I said what I wanted to say and grieved openly. The 2nd year, I was pregnant with Jakin, lost Jakin and started the adoption process. I don't feel like I can grieve as vocally as before. Like people expect me not to talk about her any more. I mean, I know it was a terribly busy day and dad being in the hospital, getting his cancer diagnosis a few days earlier, labor day weekend, family traveling in from out of state, but I felt like I didn't do a good job remembering her and if I don't, who will?
Maybe I will do better next year. Maybe not. Maybe this is just part of the journey is letting go a little more every year I just really dislike feeling like she is forgotten already and I don't know what this 3rd year of grief holds for me.
I guess that's why C.S. Lewis said that grief is a lot like suspense.
But I also believe that is why God tells us that He is our refuge and strength, our counselor, our hope...He is. Not anyone else. Just him. Not just during the first year of grief, but all the days of my life.
"The Lord has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve...to bestow beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a Spirit of despair."
~ Isaiah 61:1-3 and quoted by Jesus in Luke 4:18
No matter what and no matter how long it's been He is Emanuel.
God is with us.
I have to just remind myself as time goes by, whether others speak her name or not, God is with us and is all I need.