Sunday, November 1, 2009

Reminders of Joy

As mentioned in an earlier post, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness and Remembrance Day. I really wanted to plan a prayer service or a walk to remember in my area, but with my loss being so recent, my husband and I thought it might be better to attend one somewhere away from home. I randomly met a couple from Northern Kentucky who were planning a prayer service at their church and were nice enough to make sure I knew I was welcome. Since the church was about a three hour drive from home and the service was on a Thursday evening, we decided to make a weekend of it. My birthday was the 18th and I was going back to work the 19th, so a weekend away from home sounded like a great idea.
The evening of the 15th we attended a prayer service in Ft. Mitchell. It was beautifully decorated with delicate white candles and pink and blue balloons. Names of babies are now in heaven were shown on a screen. When Shyla’s name flashed for all the church to see I had such mixed emotions. At first, it hit me like I was hearing the news of her death for the first time. I held my breath and blinked. Maybe this was still a bad dream. The second time her name scrolled across the screen, I looked around to see how many people were thinking of her at that very moment. I was like any other proud parent. Her name was there and it meant something. The people in that room were acknowledging her life. It was such a odd emotion. There was a small sermon and lit the candles we were holding. We sang Jesus Loves me and said a prayer. I never thought I would be here. Wearing my pink and blue ribbon and holding this candle. But I know I am not alone. I do not walk this road alone.

The next day we went to the Creation Museum in Petersburg. We had a good time and Ethan especially enjoyed it. I really wanted to focus on giving him LOTS of attention this weekend. I just wanted to share a couple of photos from this day.

The dragonfly may have a very short life span, but look at how long the evidence of this ones life will be seen.  The symbolism just amazes me!
On Saturday, we went to the Newport Aquarium. Ethan was AMAZED! He would just run from one tank to the other. His favorite things were petting the sharks and seeing the penguins. And the Frog Bog. The Frog Bog is the children’s play area. There were giant frogs for kids to climb and play on, a jungle gym and a huge mural on the wall of a pond setting. I saw a ladybug painted on a giant blade of grass and smiled. Ladybugs have kind of always been my thing. Then, as we rounded the corner, I saw…

A dragonfly! So we posed for a family picture! Wow, I needed that. I was beginning to feel guilty for enjoying myself and then I saw that purple dragonfly. God knows just how to make us smile and give us joy just when we need it.
It was a great weekend.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention how sweet my husband is. While on this little trip he gave me the most beautiful birthday present. It is a diamond dragonfly pendant. It is truly breath taking. It is so special that I had all of these little signs to help me heal over this time. I know God sees my pain and is holding me closer than ever. I feel His presence and peace. Some days, some moments I feel like I cannot walk this road any longer, that I am not strong enough. That is when He lifts me up, hugs me and gently says, “No, your not strong enough…not on your own.” I am not strong enough, but with the Healer and Peace Giver at my side and in my heart, I will live the rest of my life with a peace and joy that passes all earthy understanding.

Thank you God for these moments that you have given me. The moments that I know you are near and holding my precious daughter until I can be with her again. Thank you for your peace. Thank you for your joy.

John 16: 20 Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy… 22Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.


Anonymous said...

Angels and their signs appear when we most need them!

Heather said...

Wow - it sounds like God is giving you just what you need when you need it.

And you are never alone!