Monday, November 16, 2009

Special Delivery

Tomorrow should have been the day I would deliver my Shyla Joy.  November 16th.  We were on the calendar.  The OR was reserved.  That was going to be her birthday.  Plans changed.  I wont hold my baby girl tomorrow.  Or the next day...or the next.  I will hold her in Heaven someday.  And oh what a special delivery that will be.  My God, my Father handing my baby girl to me.  I don't know how I am going to be tomorrow.  Well, actually, in ten minutes it will be tomorrow.  November 16th.

I know I wont be delivering my baby girl tomorrow, but I am going to deliver something.  At the hospital even.  Those baskets that I wrote about back in October, well, they have evolved into care packages/bags.  And we are taking them to the hospital tomorrow.  To labor and delivery.  And leaving them there.  It feels kind of backwards, but I am ready.  I pray that these care packages will point to God and provide some peace and comfort to other parents that suddenly find themselves in Ugly Shoes.  I pray help, hope and healing to each of the care package reciepients.

We are also doing some not so fun tasks tomorrow.  Like taking down the crib and moving the dresser out of "that room".  We will probably even turn "that room" into our 2 1/2 year old's room and his room into a craft room for a while.  I just can't see "that room" ever being what it was meant to be again and need a reason to open the door again.

The clock just flipped over to 12:00 AM, November 16th.  I don't know how I feel.  On one hand, I feel as if I could burst into tears at any moment.  On the other, I can't wait to see what is in store for today, November 16th.  Delivery Day.


Anonymous said...

*hugs* I can only imagine how you are feeling. My due date is coming up in a couple weeks. I recently read a post from a friend who instead of focusing on what she lost she focused on what her daughter gave her. She celebrated her daughter's memory instead of her loss. I am not sure if that could help you. Regardless how you spend the day *hugs* here is the link to her post:

Julia said...

May you find a measure of peace on this difficult day.

Heather said...

Oh Mattie, I wish I would have seen this on Monday. Just know I think of you daily. I hope you felt Shyla close to you and I am sure she is so proud of you for what you are doing.

Oh and in response to your question, I'm getting my MA in Human Resources Management. School has been a long road but I finally see the end!