Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Six Months

Six Months.
Half a year!
 I really just can’t believe it.
This month also marks the first of what will be another seven months of “one-year-ago” dates. For example, in just a few weeks, it will be one year ago that we found out we were pregnant. Then comes all of the “one year ago” appointments and memories culminating on September 2, what would have been her first birthday.
I don’t know if I’m ready for this. A year of firsts without her. She should be attempting her first crawling motions, her first foods, her first really intentional words. I know it is not for me to say what “should” have been. I think it’s just human nature when part of oneself is missing to notice it.
To remember that element of a life no longer with us.
To wish no piece of the puzzle were missing and wonder upon what the world would be like if…

If…
I really try not to dwell in “if” much. It hurts too badly. I almost can’t help it on days like today though.

There is a hope.  I know.  One day, the "ifs" wont matter.  I will see my baby girl again and all the "ifs" in the world cannot take away what God has promised me. 

It's getting closer.  Everyday without her is one more day closer to being with her. 

Take a deep breath. 

One day, it will be okay.

 

6 comments:

Franchesca Cox said...

You are so right. One day all those 'ifs' won't matter a thing. I can't wait for that day. Thinking of you. xx

Marie W said...

One foot in front of the other Mattie! Thats all we can do at this point. Thinking of you.

Heather said...

Remembering your sweet Shyla with you. Those "last year this time" moments can be hard, but God will be with us.

Maggie said...

Thinking of you. I saw your blog through Butterfly Mommies and wanted to say hello. XO

Jessica said...

Thinking of Shyla with you. *hugs*

michelle hendrix-swords said...

i can so feel the 'shoulds' too. this week one year ago we found out we were pregnant. the next couple of months are going to be very emotional! i too am waiting for the day i can be with xavier.