Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Follow Up

"Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill?  This can be nothing but sadness of heart?"
Nehemiah 2:2

I had my post-partum appointment with my regular OB today.  He is always so sympathetic and kind.  He spoke softly about our plans for the future and asked what we were thinking.  I shared with him our thoughts and that while we are no where near ready at this moment to expand our family again, we think *maybe* someday we will be. 

He could barely look me in the eye when he said, with my history, he really doesn't recommend that.

Honestly, I was a bit shocked.  My high risk OB tried to assure us on the day of Jakin's death that it was unrelated to Shyla's and that the odds of it happening to us again are very, very low.  Now my doctor, who I respect and have trusted since I began my journey as a mother is talking to me about permanent birth control.

I'm only 27.

Again, not that I am ready at all to be pregnant again right away, but someday, I thought we would feel led to expand our family.  I never thought I would be looking at never being pregnant again.  Even with two babies in Heaven, I still have hope it is possible to have a healthy baby at the end of a pregnancy.  It took me by surprise to say the least and I have been very teary since. 

After I left the Dr I had a few stops to make and I had to do them today.  In between stores I sat in the car and cried.  The people in the stores I spoke to and stood in line with had no idea the battle I was facing and the thoughts going through my mind.  Everyone was in a hurry and I'm sure with all they had on their own mind didn't notice the tears in my eyes.

Please remember to be kinder than necessary as you wrap up your Christmas shopping and are out and about.  You never know what the cashier or the person you are in line behind is facing.   

17 comments:

AHB said...

Oh Mattie. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this because my heart goes out to you..I am just so sorry..I truly believe that God is in control, and if He wants you to have another child He will provide..I know this is not easy right now, but just know that I am praying for you..

rebecca said...

Oh Mattie, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it was to hear that. I know you respect and value his opinion, but this is a huge decision and it would probably be worth getting a second opinion before completely ruling out future pregnancies. Thinking of you and keeping you close in my thoughts, hoping you feel the love & support of many surrounding you my friend ((hugs))

Tim and Carissa Wix said...

You have to follow what God places on your heart. I'm praying for peace in your hearts.

Radiant Readhead said...

my heart is aching for you. Thank is all I can say! I am so sorry!

paula said...

dear mattie
i have recently ran into this same thing and i truely feel that if god wants you to have another child you will. there may be road blocks and barriers to cross but if it is gods will then so it will be. i am so sorry that you are having to go through this. lots of love

Angie said...

Honestly, I would probably get another OB. There are so many women on the Pre-eclampsia Foundation forums who are told not to get pregnant again, who find another doctor who disagrees and is willing to help them get through another pregnancy, and go on to have an uneventful pregnancy. Regular ob's get freaked out by horror stories like ours because they don't see them so often, high risk ob's have a lot more experience with it and will not tell you it's okay to get pregnant again if they really don't believe it would have a good outcome. (I've talked to one woman who even my high risk ob told not to get pregnant again.) I just don't know that I would take your ob's opinion very seriously, in this case.

I definitely don't blame you for being sad about it. I'm sorry.

Sarita Boyette said...

Mattie, I'm so sorry. Your doctor obviously thinks he has your best interest at heart. There are other opinions to seek, and I'm sure your doctor would not feel disrespected by you doing that. I pray this is not the final word on your having another child. (((HUGS))) & prayers.

cheryllookingforward said...

I'm sorry you had to get news like that, Mattie. I'm thinking of you.

Marie W said...

Mattie, as sure as I am that your OB is a respected professional, please remember we serve the GREATEST physician. Only He can tell you when its right and if you should try again to expand your family in the future, not some "practicing" dr. God knows our hearts and I know he will fulfill the desires of your heart. Find another dr who is willing to do whatever it takes to help you carry your next pregnancy to term. Hugs and love to you my friend.

Tiffany said...

o mattie, i'm so sorry. i can only imagine that it must have been extremely difficult to hear your doc say that. it seems like you got a lot of advice from other posters, but i agree. i would seek another opinion. i know you said you are not ready now, and that's perfectly fine. sending you lots and lots of love... ♥

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry your day turned out like it did. I am sorry for your tears of sorrow. I am sorry for your losses. My heart hurts for you. Don't give up mama! Talk to your high risk OB again. Pray about what God would have you do. I'll be praying for you!

Heather said...

I am just so, so sorry this is the news you received today. I hope he is wrong, and that you are able to get other opinions that will say differently. I can *sort of* relate, because after losing Madelyn we pretty much had to give up on the idea of a genetic child. However, I have at least been able to experience a pregnancy through embryo adoption, and being told I couldn't do that either - well that would be really hard. Just know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk, and I'm sorry for this potential new loss. Many hugs and many prayers are coming your way.

Melissa said...

Big hugs, sending my love.

Holly said...

Oh Mattie, how terrible to hear those words from the dr. I know it would crush me to hear it. I really hope that it is not the case and that if you do choose to add to your family that it can happen for you.

I def agree about being kind to those around you when you are out. You just never know...

Melissa said...

My heart just aches for you, I am so sorry you have this to deal with as well. I do agree, that this year I look at people much differently now, because you just never KNOW what they are going through. Hugs to you.

Miss Ruby said...

I'm so very sorry, that must have been heartaching to hear.

~x~

amiracle4us said...

i am new to your blog but still find tears welling in my eyes...I am so sorry