"Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of heart?"
I had my post-partum appointment with my regular OB today. He is always so sympathetic and kind. He spoke softly about our plans for the future and asked what we were thinking. I shared with him our thoughts and that while we are no where near ready at this moment to expand our family again, we think *maybe* someday we will be.
He could barely look me in the eye when he said, with my history, he really doesn't recommend that.
Honestly, I was a bit shocked. My high risk OB tried to assure us on the day of Jakin's death that it was unrelated to Shyla's and that the odds of it happening to us again are very, very low. Now my doctor, who I respect and have trusted since I began my journey as a mother is talking to me about permanent birth control.
I'm only 27.
Again, not that I am ready at all to be pregnant again right away, but someday, I thought we would feel led to expand our family. I never thought I would be looking at never being pregnant again. Even with two babies in Heaven, I still have hope it is possible to have a healthy baby at the end of a pregnancy. It took me by surprise to say the least and I have been very teary since.
After I left the Dr I had a few stops to make and I had to do them today. In between stores I sat in the car and cried. The people in the stores I spoke to and stood in line with had no idea the battle I was facing and the thoughts going through my mind. Everyone was in a hurry and I'm sure with all they had on their own mind didn't notice the tears in my eyes.
Please remember to be kinder than necessary as you wrap up your Christmas shopping and are out and about. You never know what the cashier or the person you are in line behind is facing.