"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
It has now been 16 months since my dear girl was in my arms.
It's harder now to count the months and truely discribe them accurately. Yes, it has been 16 months since I held Shyla, but since Jakin joined her in Heaven, its harder to discern new grief from old grief...is there is any difference at all.
I have described grief as coming in waves (as have many other bereaved parents). And that holds true still. One wave may be grief of not having my only daughter to hold and make girly things for. Then another will hit about not still being pregnant with my rainbow and not experiencing a miracle the way I wanted. Then yet another wave will hit...just wanting my babies back. Wanting ALL my babies together. This is the wave I feel most often.
But I do just have to take comfort in knowing that someday I will.
I have always wanted to write about the grief I am experiencing in time frames. One month, two months...but now...this grief is not alone. I can't just separate the grief of loosing her from the grief of loosing him. They are separate...but they are not. If that makes any sense at all. So, while I still may write every 2nd of the month and think of her and every 24th and think of him...they are together in this grief as much as they would be together as part of my earthly joy if they were here together.