From Tragedy, a Mission of Hope
Woman whose child was stillborn now with MOD, helping others cope with loss
By HEATHER PYLES, CJ Staff Writer
Commonwealth Journal
Mattie Wells began suspecting something was wrong with her unborn daughter when she stopped kicking and moving in her womb in late August 2009.
A visit was scheduled with Mattie’s doctor, and on August 31, Mattie and her husband Ben discovered what Mattie had begun to fear when Shyla Joy Wells had suddenly stilled.
“As soon as they turned on the ultrasound, I could see there wasn’t a heartbeat,” Mattie said. “That she had already passed.”
Shyla was nearly 28 weeks along when she died. Shyla’s older brother, Ethan, who is nearly three years old now, had to be told that his little sister had gone to be with Jesus. He wouldn’t be able to watch his sister grow and become a part of their family.
Doctors began running tests on Mattie — who had experienced a normal pregnancy with Ethan — to determine what may have gone wrong.
“We didn’t know why it happened,” Mattie said.
Mattie was told she would have to carry Shyla for two days before going into surgery. The family, numb, went home to await the surgery in which doctors would deliver Mattie’s stillborn daughter. It was during those two days that Mattie began searching online for resources for mothers who have gone through the loss of a newborn child.
“There’s kind of a network for women who have experienced loss,” Mattie said.
It was all Mattie could do as she mourned the death of Shyla, who she still carried.
On September 2, 2009, doctors at Lake Cumberland Regional Hospital delivered Shyla via C-section, and Mattie and Ben took some time to hold their daughter and grieve her passing. The tiny baby measured 13 inches long and weighed in at one pound, 11 ounces.
“I don’t think it was really real until they ... wrapped her (Shyla) in a blanket and handed her to him (Ben),” Mattie said.
Shyla’s funeral would follow only four days later, and there, Mattie and her family released 28 pink balloons — one balloon for each week Mattie carried Shyla. Instead of flowers, the family asked that baby items like blankets, clothes and toys be donated to the local pregnancy help center in Monticello.
“He (Ethan) said ‘Bye bye, Shyla. I see you later,’” Mattie said about her son, noting that he knew he’d lost a little sister. “He understands more than I thought.”
Items poured in for the help center, and Mattie began thinking about reaching out to other mothers who had experienced a loss like hers.
“Unless you’ve been there, you can’t imagine the devastation,” Mattie said.
Four weeks later, the family discovered what had happened. A blood test showed that Mattie tested positive for Factor V Leiden, a hereditary blood coagulation disorder that increases a person’s risk of developing a blood clot.
The disorder hadn’t presented during Mattie’s pregnancy with Ethan, but it had led to the death of Shyla.
One blood test would’ve pinpointed the disorder, and Mattie said an anticoagulant regimen would’ve prevented Shyla’s death.
“A simple blood test could prevent death,” Mattie said.
The blood test specifically developed to pinpoint Factor V Leiden is not required for pregnant women, but Mattie is working with the March of Dimes, a non-profit organization dedicated to funding research into pre-natal and post-natal health for babies and their mothers alike, to help advocate making the test a requirement.
But Mattie’s work with grieving mothers is also immensely important. Mattie said she was shocked to discover there wasn’t a support group for mothers dealing with the loss of their newborns in the area. She said much of her healing came about with the help of other mothers she connected with on the internet who had lost their own children. But there was no local network to help her through her loss.
So she’s set about to changing that, with the help of the March of Dimes. Mattie serves as a head of a support group through the March of Dimes meant to provide a network of resources and support for grieving mothers and mothers who have delivered premature children.
One mission of the March of Dimes is to reach out to bereaved families after the loss of a child, and to provide support for mothers and their families who currently have premature babies in prenatal intensive care in hospitals.
While traumas such as a loss of a child have been discussed more openly now than in the past, Mattie said more dialogue is necessary for grieving families to truly heal and move on. One of the most common sentiments Mattie said grieving mothers with other children run into is the idea that they still have their other children — and that they should move on quickly for them.
“That doesn’t take away the grief of losing my daughter,” Mattie said.
And Mattie takes comfort in the few items that remind them of Shyla — the few pictures taken of her and her family before she was whisked away, the blanket she was wrapped in, and pink Gerbera daisies, which were used in her funeral.
“This is all I have of her,” Mattie said about those precious items, as she touched a locket she often wears that features a print of Shyla’s tiny foot prints.
The Wells family was asked recently to serve as the Ambassador Family for the 2010 March of Dimes March for Babies, and Mattie said she jumped at the chance because she saw it as another tool to let families know that a support system does exist.
And there are families out there who need that support system. Mattie said that just last week, she was told about two families in the region who are struggling with the loss of a baby. Mattie, a social worker at Monticello Independent School, has made herself available to those families, and she has started putting together care packages for families who have been suddenly faced with the loss of their child.
“It’s just a very different kind of loss,” Mattie said. “There’s nothing you can compare it to.”
With Mattie’s involvement, this year the March for Babies, scheduled for April 24 in downtown Somerset, will feature boards decorated with the keepsakes, pictures and names of babies who have passed on. Those parents who have lost babies interested in participating in that project can stop by the March of Dimes Somerset office, located at 44 Office Park Drive or call 606-679-6514.
The boards will be set up at the start and finish of the walk, at Rocky Hollow Park.
“We’re celebrating the premature babies who have survived, but we’re also remembering the ones who didn’t,” Mattie said.
And Mattie is also spearheading a “Pages for Preemies” fundraiser for mothers and families who have lost newborns. The event is scheduled for Saturday, April 10. Participants can bring pictures of their children and supplies for scrapbooking to create memorial keepsakes of their lost loved ones. It’s $15 to participate and all proceeds go to the March of Dimes.
Mattie will always remember the daughter that she only knew in the womb, and while she and her husband haven’t yet begun to try again to expand their family, she said they will soon.
But she’ll always grieve the loss of her child, and she said she’ll continue reaching out to those who have gone through the same thing her family did — because there’s nothing more comforting in your darkest hours than knowing someone who has gone through the same thing.
“Just hearing these stories is encouraging for women who have been there,” Mattie said.
Showing posts with label Speaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Speaking. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Newspaper and Radio
On Good Friday, I had an interview with a reporter from the Comm.onwealth Jour.nal, the daily newspaper in a neighboring county. The interview went well I think. When the paper came out, the "story" made the front page complete with a photo of me holding Shyla's footprints and little crocheted dress in a shadowbox and a photo of Ben holding her that out NILMDTS photographer friend took.
The article can be read here and I will post the article in a separate post for when that link expires.
Then, one week later, I did a Community Connections radio segment that aired on three local FM stations and two AM stations one week ago today. Last Sunday, before church, Ben and I sat on the couch and listened to this hour long radio program. Sometimes it was hard to believe that was be on the other end of the radio. "Is this really my life?" It seemed so surreal. I really wish I would have recorded the program.
I have been given all of these opportunities becuase of the wonderful people at the March of Dimes who took a chance and asked my family to be the ambassador family this year. They asked me to share our story of loss and give a voice to the bereaved. I am honored. I pray that every word I spoke pointed people to the Healer and Comforter and brought some peace to their hearts.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Positivity from Pain
Kristi and Katy at Butterfly Mommies have posed this question...
"What positive things have come from the loss of your baby?"
For me, I knew from the beginning that God would make beauty from these ashes. He had to. It was the only way for me to make sense of Shyla's death. Before I left the hospital, I had already heard stories of how Shyla's life and God's faithfulness to me had touched people. His grace was overwhelming. Woman after woman came to visit me in the hospital and shared their stories of loss. Eight months before mine, eighteen years before mine, thirty years before...
These women told their stories like I tell mine. With love and conviction. But one thing surpised me. How many of these women I had known for many years and I had never known of their loss(es).
I knew I had to give this kind of grief a voice. My first opportunity was to speak at a banquet for our local Pregnancy HELP (Holding Each Life Precious) Center in November. While planning Shyla's service, we had asked in leui of flowers, donations be made to the HELP Center. Just three weeks after our loss, my family took these donations to the center. It was beautiful to see all of these baby items all stacked up. All in memory of her. All for the use of other mommies and babies. Sweet. Bittersweet. But Beautiful!
"What positive things have come from the loss of your baby?"
For me, I knew from the beginning that God would make beauty from these ashes. He had to. It was the only way for me to make sense of Shyla's death. Before I left the hospital, I had already heard stories of how Shyla's life and God's faithfulness to me had touched people. His grace was overwhelming. Woman after woman came to visit me in the hospital and shared their stories of loss. Eight months before mine, eighteen years before mine, thirty years before...
These women told their stories like I tell mine. With love and conviction. But one thing surpised me. How many of these women I had known for many years and I had never known of their loss(es).
I knew I had to give this kind of grief a voice. My first opportunity was to speak at a banquet for our local Pregnancy HELP (Holding Each Life Precious) Center in November. While planning Shyla's service, we had asked in leui of flowers, donations be made to the HELP Center. Just three weeks after our loss, my family took these donations to the center. It was beautiful to see all of these baby items all stacked up. All in memory of her. All for the use of other mommies and babies. Sweet. Bittersweet. But Beautiful!
I had the opportunity to share her story and to raise awareness for Pregnancy and Infant Loss infront of the 250+ people in attendance. I spoke of God's grace and how he comforted us in the days and weeks since our loss. I spoke of how every life is precious and not to take one day with your children for granted.
I felt led to make care packages for mommies who may walk through a similar loss and the first "batch" was delivered to the hospital on the day I was scheduled to deliver Shyla.
At Christmas time, we sent a letter to our family and friends and asked them to do a random act of kindness in memory of Shyla. We had such a wonderful response. Reading all of the kindness done in honor of our daughter was a beautiful way to begin our Christmas morning! (You can read these acts by clicking on "Shyla's Stocking" in the left sidebar under the "labels" tab).
Recently, I have been asked to work with a group of ladies in coordination with the March of Dimes to help bereaved parents and support parents with babies spending time in NICU. They are such a wonderful group of ladies. They have decided it would be nice if the group could help with the care packages. Several things have already been donated for the packages and lists are circulating the area to get more donations. I was overwhelmed.
I also have been blessed to be asked if we would be the March of Dimes Ambassador Family for a tri-county area this year. I had the opportunity to share Shyla's story at the March of Dimes Kick-off and I have been asked to share again this coming week at the Regional Hospital to kick-off the internal fundraising for their March for Babies Team.
It is wonderful to be asked to share her story and raise awareness.
Maybe someday, no parent will have to go through what so many of us have.
God has become more than just a friend to me through all of this. That is probably the most beautiful thing yet. From my pain He has never left me. When I feel angry or hurt or blessed, He is there. While I may never have all the answers, I know the One who does. And until I see my baby girl again and am in His presence, I will keep speaking the sweet name of my child and the of the awesome love and grace of my Lord.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Kick Off!
The March of Dimes Kick Off was Thursday and I had the chance to share Shyla's story. Three pages of notes...ignored. I got up there infront of all the team captains and everything just came out. I guess I have replayed everything in my mind so much the story kind of flows out now. I didn't even break down. A few small tears. I'm sure those in the crowd shed more than a few by watching their faces.
I must have done well though.
I have been invited to speak at the Regional Hospital. To share her story again.
How blessed I am to speak her name and blessed to be her mommy.
I'm really excited to be a part of this organization. If you aren't familiar with the March of Dimes or the March for Babies, check it out here. To start a team for the March for Babies, go here.
Also, check out my sidebar to help raise money for the March of Dimes.
I must have done well though.
I have been invited to speak at the Regional Hospital. To share her story again.
How blessed I am to speak her name and blessed to be her mommy.
I'm really excited to be a part of this organization. If you aren't familiar with the March of Dimes or the March for Babies, check it out here. To start a team for the March for Babies, go here.
Also, check out my sidebar to help raise money for the March of Dimes.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Breakthrough
"An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak, and impossible to remain silent." Edmund Burke
While planning Shyla’s service, my husband and I asked that in lieu of flowers that donations be made to our local Pregnancy Care Center. After we took the donations to the center, the co-directors of the HELP (Hold Each Life Precious) Center asked if we would share our testimony at their 1st annual fundraising banquet.
The banquet was held last night. Over the past few weeks I tried to put the words I would say onto paper, with little luck. Every time I would sit down to write, the words would just not come. I prayed that God would give me the words to speak. I prayed that no word would leave my mouth that would not give glory to Him and be a witness to others.
I had many friends and family there to support me. Before I spoke, a lady sang the song “Beauty for Ashes”. I could not help but smile. That is exactly what those donations made in Shyla’a name were. Beauty for ashes.
As I made my way to the stage, I prayed again that my words would be God’s words. I gave the crowd of about 200 a brief personal history of my husband and I and how our family began. I then explained that with my job as a school social worker, I refer students to the center and see how needed this is needed in our community. I told them about the day I met with the ladies who birthed the center to talk about services they offer and telling them I just had found out I would be having my second child in November. I told my story of loss and how even though this was the worst experience of my life, I never felt as if God left my side. I AM BLESSED. I explained how my husband and I decided to share our blessings by blessing others. I read the lyrics to “Bring the Rain” by MercyMe and I shared my daughter’s footprints and the quote that is framed with them. “No foot is so small it cannot leave an imprint on this world.” Then I thanked everyone who had a part in making the center a reality. The center has helped Shyla leave her footprints on this world in a very real way.
After the banquet, a woman came up to me and wanted to share her story. Many years ago, she lost her baby and doctors advised her that she should adopt if she wanted to have children. She took their advice and began the process of adoption. When the process was complete and they had their adopted baby in their arms, they were also four months pregnant. They delivered that baby safely. Within five months they had two babies, one adopted and one natural. Doubly blessed. One of her children was my English teacher during my senior year of high school.
Many people thanked me for sharing my story. A lady who works at the school with me told me today that even though my story was sad, it ended with hope. They encouraged me that they were not sad when I left that stage, but full of hope.
I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but, I had a breakthrough. I am a different person today. I can honestly day I felt JOY today. It was like the sun has broken through the clouds and the warmth has wrapped around me. There was nothing especially exciting about this day, except I could not get the smile off my face. I talked about Shyla without wanting to run from the room and cry. The lump in my throat was not there when something was brought up in conversation about my leave or my dear daughter…there was only joy. Some one asked about her and I was not afraid of breaking down. I talked and I did not avoid eye contact. I laughed and did not feel guilty. I praised God and did not cry.
On Monday, Shyla’s headstone was delivered. I took a break from work and went to the cemetery to see how it looked. The ground was still broken and sad. The rock looked great. A beautiful pink gerbera daisy graced the front beneath her name and the image of baby’s footprints are on the back with the quote I mentioned before. There is also a little footstone with a dragonfly on it. That day I sat in the dirt and cried. Honestly, I wanted to lay there beside her and not get up. With the crumbled ground over her tiny plot I wondered if the earth could just open and swallow me up. I felt that would be less painful than sitting there at that moment reading my baby’s name on a headstone.
Fast forward to today…my mother and grandmother wanted to see the headstone. So after work, I met them and my husband and son at the cemetery. It was such a beautiful day today. Warm and sunny. I had a completely different attitude about the stone today. I saw such beauty in her name. I love to see it written and to say it aloud. Her pink daisy was beautiful and the footprints on the back look so much like hers, I just had to smile. My little boy looked over the rock and gave it his approval. He saw it yesterday, but he had to tell me again today he thought it was pretty.
Like I said, I think I have had a breakthrough. I’m not saying that the clouds are gone, but the sun is definitely shining through!
While planning Shyla’s service, my husband and I asked that in lieu of flowers that donations be made to our local Pregnancy Care Center. After we took the donations to the center, the co-directors of the HELP (Hold Each Life Precious) Center asked if we would share our testimony at their 1st annual fundraising banquet.
The banquet was held last night. Over the past few weeks I tried to put the words I would say onto paper, with little luck. Every time I would sit down to write, the words would just not come. I prayed that God would give me the words to speak. I prayed that no word would leave my mouth that would not give glory to Him and be a witness to others.
I had many friends and family there to support me. Before I spoke, a lady sang the song “Beauty for Ashes”. I could not help but smile. That is exactly what those donations made in Shyla’a name were. Beauty for ashes.
As I made my way to the stage, I prayed again that my words would be God’s words. I gave the crowd of about 200 a brief personal history of my husband and I and how our family began. I then explained that with my job as a school social worker, I refer students to the center and see how needed this is needed in our community. I told them about the day I met with the ladies who birthed the center to talk about services they offer and telling them I just had found out I would be having my second child in November. I told my story of loss and how even though this was the worst experience of my life, I never felt as if God left my side. I AM BLESSED. I explained how my husband and I decided to share our blessings by blessing others. I read the lyrics to “Bring the Rain” by MercyMe and I shared my daughter’s footprints and the quote that is framed with them. “No foot is so small it cannot leave an imprint on this world.” Then I thanked everyone who had a part in making the center a reality. The center has helped Shyla leave her footprints on this world in a very real way.
After the banquet, a woman came up to me and wanted to share her story. Many years ago, she lost her baby and doctors advised her that she should adopt if she wanted to have children. She took their advice and began the process of adoption. When the process was complete and they had their adopted baby in their arms, they were also four months pregnant. They delivered that baby safely. Within five months they had two babies, one adopted and one natural. Doubly blessed. One of her children was my English teacher during my senior year of high school.
Many people thanked me for sharing my story. A lady who works at the school with me told me today that even though my story was sad, it ended with hope. They encouraged me that they were not sad when I left that stage, but full of hope.
I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but, I had a breakthrough. I am a different person today. I can honestly day I felt JOY today. It was like the sun has broken through the clouds and the warmth has wrapped around me. There was nothing especially exciting about this day, except I could not get the smile off my face. I talked about Shyla without wanting to run from the room and cry. The lump in my throat was not there when something was brought up in conversation about my leave or my dear daughter…there was only joy. Some one asked about her and I was not afraid of breaking down. I talked and I did not avoid eye contact. I laughed and did not feel guilty. I praised God and did not cry.
On Monday, Shyla’s headstone was delivered. I took a break from work and went to the cemetery to see how it looked. The ground was still broken and sad. The rock looked great. A beautiful pink gerbera daisy graced the front beneath her name and the image of baby’s footprints are on the back with the quote I mentioned before. There is also a little footstone with a dragonfly on it. That day I sat in the dirt and cried. Honestly, I wanted to lay there beside her and not get up. With the crumbled ground over her tiny plot I wondered if the earth could just open and swallow me up. I felt that would be less painful than sitting there at that moment reading my baby’s name on a headstone.
Fast forward to today…my mother and grandmother wanted to see the headstone. So after work, I met them and my husband and son at the cemetery. It was such a beautiful day today. Warm and sunny. I had a completely different attitude about the stone today. I saw such beauty in her name. I love to see it written and to say it aloud. Her pink daisy was beautiful and the footprints on the back look so much like hers, I just had to smile. My little boy looked over the rock and gave it his approval. He saw it yesterday, but he had to tell me again today he thought it was pretty.
Like I said, I think I have had a breakthrough. I’m not saying that the clouds are gone, but the sun is definitely shining through!
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