Jakin's Service

One week ago today, we were blessed to give Jakin a service and celebrate his life  Almost eighty people came to recognize his life and so many more were with us in spirit.  I made it through the day easier than I thought.  Saturday was really rough and Sunday morning I felt pretty sick, but by the time 1:00 came around, I was feeling better and had emotionally prepared myself for what the afternoon held.

A very good friend traveled a long distance to be with us and take photos for us.

Once again, my husband and I stood beside that small white casket and greeted friends and family as they walked that aisle and with tears in their eyes hugged us and said they were sorry for our loss.  Some couldn't say anything.  Some said they wished they could take our pain.  Others prayed with us and told us they were proud of us and how we were handling this.

I held in my hand a little blue blankie and rubbed, twisted and played with it until it was warm.

Ethan played and ran up and down the aisle until too many people were there for him to do so.  That might have been bad...but its what he needed to do that day, so we let him.

What a beautiful, precious gift this little boy is.

Jakin's obituary and eulogy was read.  My favorite part was, "He was loved, wanted and cherished all the days of his life".

Then a sermon was given.  Our Pastor spoke from Psalm 139 and about how Jakin (and all of us) are beautifully and wonderfully made.  I have seen our pastor get so emotional he could not speak two times in my life and today was the second.  Shyla's funeral was the first.

After the service, our friends and family left us to have a few moments alone before we went to the cemetary.  Just as everyone was leaving the chapel, Ethan began bawling.  I mean heartwrenching cries.  When I finally got him calmed down enough to talk, he said it was because he wanted to go with his uncle.  He thought everyone was leaving.

As a family, we carried the small casket to that long black car and settled it into the back.  Snuggly placing little bumpers around it to keep it from moving.  It looked so small in the back of that vehicle that has carried so many to their earthly resting place.

We got in our vehicle and began the long drive to the cemetary.  Other cars turned on their lights, slowed down and stopped as we passed.  I noticed some people staring and wondered if they saw our age and wondered why we were the first in the procession behind the police car and hearse.  They probably thought one of us were burying a parent...I bet it didn't cross the minds of many that we were burying our baby.  Much less that it was our second time doing so.

When we got to the cemetary, again, as a family, we carried the small casket together.

Our pastors prayed and said a few more words about his precious life.

We played the song, Better is One Day and Ethan released blue balloons.  He has released balloons before and I think the symbolism really helps his mind process things.  I asked him if he wanted to do it for Jakin and he did, so we did it for him.

 As the balloons drifted up into the sky, a few got stuck in the tree.  Ethan ran after them and wanted to climb the tree to help them float away.  As we spoke to everyone again and thanked them for coming, the balloons slipped away and my beautiful friend got some beautiful photos of Ethan, our strong little man.

Arrangements Made

Today, Ben, Ethan and I spent the morning in bed talking and cuddling.  I can't believe how blessed I am to have this little blonde bundle of energy!  He asked again why I don't have the baby in my belly anymore.  We talked to him about it again, simple and honest.  We asked if he wanted to send balloons to him like he did Shyla and of course he said yes.

We got it together and went to the funeral home to complete Jakin's arrangements.  You can go here to see the full arrangement details.  We decided to have a short visitation before the service.  Visitation will start at 2:00pm est on Sunday and the funeral will be at 3:00. 

The funeral home has been so great to us.  Working on every little detail.  When Shyla died, we pretty much made all the arrangements from the hospital.  I had a c-section and was in the hospital for three days.  They communicated with us well and were so kind to donate most of their services.  The one thing I regreted is I never saw the inside of the casket she was buried in.  I know that may sound morbid, but I always wondered what it looked like.  Today, that question was answered.  We are using the same small white casket and the funeral director let us see what it looked like.  How the small blue pillow will be placed and now I just won't have that question in my head any longer. 

When we got there, they had already pulled Shyla's file and looked at how we worded her obituary and had a draft of Jakin's typed up with the major changes already made.  He just made sure the surviving relatives were still the same and we worked out the details of the service.

We talked with him about a setting up a memorial fund. Not for us, but for helping begin a resource lending library for families who experience loss.  Donations made would be used to purchase books that can be checked out, like at a library.  I knew the funeral home was undergoing some renovations and the director was nice enough to show us around.  He said he was hoping to get something like that started and he even showed us the area where the lending library could be.  We talked about how it might be set up and about many other things, but over all, if there is such a thing as a good experience at a  funeral home, the staff and director here, made sure we had one.  They have went above and beyond what we should expect.

After we left the funeral home, we went to the florist.  Let me just add that this is a small town and word spreads quick.  The florist we are using is the same one we used with Shyla and the same one I purchased an empty saddle frame to make Shyla's Memorial Day arrangement.

Anyway, when we walked in, the owner came around the counter and hugged me.  She told me how sorry she was and how things just don't make sense.  Believe it or not, I was fine through the funeral home, but that is what did it, I did all I could to hold back tears.  She got me a chair ( she must have been able to tell I was sore by how gently I walked in the door).  We talked about what kind of flowers we wanted and she brought out some samples for us to look at.  We made our decisions and thanked her for her kindness.

We went back to my Mom's house to get Ethan and ended up eating Thanksgiving left overs and watching TV for a while.  We don't have cable or satelite or anything at home and I guess when we got infront of a TV and could just veg out for a while we took advantage of it.

My Mom's phone rang off the hook while we were there.  People checking on us, wanting to know what the arrangements were going to be.  My older brother calling from Oklahoma saying he was leaving his house in 20 minutes and was going to make the almost 14 hour drive by himself and my younger brother calling from where he is saying he thinks they will let him off work, but if not, he was going to call in sick.  Then him texting me saying "love you sis".

While what we had to do  today is something no parent should have to do...ever...not once...not twice...but ever...we can't help but realize how blessed we are to be surrounded with family and friends who love us and want nothing more but to help and be near us.

My thinking is still a little blurred and my body is more sore than yesterday, but I know what to expect the next few days and I know God is with us.


"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."  Job 1:21