Six!

Six years ago, we were blessed more than we ever knew by this (big) little boy!

 

He stole our hearts from the moment we first knew he was coming. 

 

He has given us so much joy and love and insight and comfort over the past 6 years.

 

Those blue eyes and that blonde hair still make me ache with love.

 

I thank God daily for the blessing that he is to us, our family and our friends.

 

I could write five thousand posts on him and what he means to us, but I think he is starting to wake up, and I have a little surprise for him and I want to see his face when he opens his door...

 

 

Just Catching Up

My guest post for 12 Days of Christmas with you in Heaven posted today at Small Bird Studios.  I wrote out our Christmas Stocking Project and how much it has blessed us at Christmas time.  I think I will do this again this year...

Jakin's first birthday in Heaven (aka Thanksgiving Day) has come and gone and I haven't had a chance to post about it.  It was a hard day.  Much harder than Shyla's first was.  Maybe because on her first we had the hope for him...I'm not sure...but we did spend much time together as a family.  I cried when I needed to cry and we took him a balloon and visited the cemetery.  I also spent most of the morning making the Christmas saddles for their rocks.  Complete with white poinsettias (and a pink and blue one too!) glitter and a sparkling dragonfly each.

 It was a long day and honestly, I'm kind of glad it has passed. It is so much easier to look on the holidays with Joy after the hardest days have passed and I know that that day was the hardest.

We got our Christmas tree on Sunday and putting the ornaments on is always such a rush of memories.  This year was no different.  Each ornament was placed with love and a smile.  We have so many ornaments from Shyla's first Christmas in Heaven and a few from Jakin's last year as well.  Also adorning our tree are ornaments Ethan has picked out every year and a picture from the day he was born.  I now also have many of the ornaments from when I was a child.  It was a beautiful night decorating the tree (except when the beautiful live tree took a nose dive on me!)

Anyway, I'm still here and I plan on updating again soon.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are preparing for a peaceful Christmas season.

Much love.

Remembering Jakin's Healing

One year ago today, Jakin's heart was healed and he went home to Heaven.  I've just re-read my post from that day and I only kind-of remember writing it.  I have no doubt God was carrying us through those days.  It's a little harder today than it was then, in a way.  I don't know what I should be doing today.  I'm not sure how much more I can even elaborate, words are kind of escaping me today.  So I will just leave it quoting myself from my post I wrote one year ago today...

Ecclesiastes 7:1 says "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth."  

Today was better than tomorrow.  

 

Shyla's 2nd

Shyla's 2nd birthday in Heaven was just a little over 2 weeks ago. The day was a blur and I don't really feel like I did a great job doing things for her this year, but it was all a little over whelming.

My dad was still in the hospital from his biopsy he had had the Tuesday and my brother and his family had driven in from Oklahoma City, so we were going to try to get to the hospital early.  We stopped by the cemetery on our way out of town and brought our girl some roses.

My Mom had gotten the dragonfly and we placed it between Shyla and Jakin's stones.  There is the large one with pink wings then there are smaller ones with blue wings and pink butterflies that you can't see real well in the photo.

Ethan still likes to go to "Shyla and Jakin's" as he calls it.  He has never called it a cemetery and I know he has heard us refer to it as one.

I made pink cupcakes and took them to my Mom's house to share with everyone and we went to the hospital to see my Dad.  He was in the CVU, so we could only go back to see him a couple of people at a time and kids weren't allowed back, so we took turns and played with the kids in the waiting room.

Dad was released that night about 6 and we ran a couple of errands and ate dinner together.

I know it's been two years and I know it makes people sad, but compared to last year, no one really mentioned her (besides other loss moms on fb and a few other close friends on my fb page).  The first year I said what I wanted to say and grieved openly.  The 2nd year, I was pregnant with Jakin, lost Jakin and started the adoption process.  I don't feel like I can grieve as vocally as before.  Like people expect me not to talk about her any more.  I mean, I know it was a terribly busy day and dad being in the hospital, getting his cancer diagnosis a few days earlier, labor day weekend, family traveling in from out of state, but I felt like I didn't do a good job remembering her and if I don't, who will?

Maybe I will do better next year.  Maybe not.  Maybe this is just part of the journey is letting go a little more every year  I just really dislike feeling like she is forgotten already and I don't know what this 3rd year of grief holds for me.

I guess that's why C.S. Lewis said that grief is a lot like suspense.

But I also believe that is why God tells us that He is our refuge and strength, our counselor, our hope...He is.  Not anyone else.  Just him.  Not just during the first year of grief, but all the days of my life.

"The Lord has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve...to bestow beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a Spirit of despair."

~ Isaiah 61:1-3 and quoted by Jesus in Luke 4:18

No matter what and no matter how long it's been He is Emanuel.

God is with us.

 El Shaddai.

All Sufficient.

I have to just remind myself as time goes by, whether others speak her name or not, God is with us and is all I need.  

Shyla's Life Celebration

September 2nd was Shyla's birthday.  It was a whirlwind day and I tried to get as much as I could photographed to share with all of you.  First we worked on some of the treats for her celebration and then headed to my OB's office for my 2nd blood draw to compare hCG levels of our rainbow baby, Jakin. 

We picked up Ethan from my Mom's house and let him take his nap then went to the cemetary, which he affectionately calls "Shyla's".  We let Ethan take her a birthday balloon and just enjoyed a few minutes of the beautiful day outside.

Then we went to get the HELP Center decorated and ready for Shyla's Life Celebration.  A wonderful friend came to help us photograph her day!  Some of the photos below I took, but the really good ones were by my dear friend, Tammy.

Some of Shyla's things were displayed on this table to share with others.

This book was made by my brother and sis-in-law and sent from Oklahoma.  I love it!  It has some of her ultrasound photos, pregnancy photos, and photos of her name in it.

I had two scrapbooks I have been working on there, but since I didn't ahve them done, we also spread out all the photos we have of her name written around the world.

We also had Shyla's Stocking there still stuffed with all the random acts of kindness done in Shyla's memory around Christmas time.

This is another dear friend looking through Shyla's scrapbook.

And, of course, there was food...

...and pink punch!

We were blessed with many family and friends that came to celebrate and remember Shyla.  I wish I could have had photographs of everyone, but I don't.  But I did have a guest book and beautiful memories!

One of my favorite things about having her celebration at the HELP Pregnancy Center was the fact that the Center was the first place we were able to make donations in her name.  While planning her service, we decided that in leui of flowers, we wanted people to make donations to the new crisis pregnancy center.  There are still a few of the items donated in her name there, and they have her name still on it!

We are so proud to be her parents!

I went to buy some pink daisies to have that day and for the first time in months they didn't have any...but I did get these beautiful roses...they were perfect!

At the end of the evening, we cleaned the center and headed to the cemetary for a balloon release.  It was getting dark, but I think it was just beautiful.  As soon as we got there, Ethan ran to "Shyla's" and got squated down in front of her stone.  Only he and God knows what was going through is mind and heart at this moment.

And we still got some photos of the release.

Then, later I was so blessed by the cards and donations from our friends and family to help with the care packages we take to the hospital for parents experiencing stillbirth.  I am left in awe of God;s goodness and the truth of the photo above.  There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.

One

Today is Shyla's first birthday.  We were surrounded with family and friends.  I will have photos and a complete post later.  For right now, I just want to say...

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

I love you more than words can say!

Shyla's Life Celebration Invitation

Dear Family and Friends,


We can’t believe how quickly a year has gone by. Just one short year ago our lives were changed forever. Sometime during the last week of August, our sweet Shyla Joy quietly drifted from the comfort of her mother’s womb to the comfort of the Father’s arms. We take comfort in knowing she never knew pain, heartache or tears on this earth and will be waiting for us when we make it to Heaven. What a glorious day that will be when we are all reunited!

August 31, 2009, is when we learned her heart had stopped beating and on September 2, we were blessed to be able to hold our girl. From that moment we knew that eventhough her life had ended on this earth, her legacy was just beginning. I don’t think we really knew what that meant at that time, but so many things have happened because of her life. But God has been faithful and He has truly used what was meant to harm us and turned it into a blessing.

We knew from the moment that everything became reality that God was going to make beauty from these ashes and her life was going to make a difference in others. We have really been struggling with how to best acknowledge what God has done and remember her on her 1st birthday. We thought about having something for just the family or just spending the day at home. I’ll be honest, at times, I think I might just want to spend the day at home alone. BUT…I know that is not what I feel God has called for her life to be. We have decided to celebrate her life and all the many things that have happened since she graced Heaven. We would like to share with everyone who means so much to us things that remind us of her. Her scrapbook, her footprints, the articles that have been printed in the newspaper about her and her time as the March of Dimes Ambassador, her Christmas stocking stuffed with random acts of kindness done in her memory, one of the care packages we deliver to the hospital and so many more things.

Please drop by the HELP Pregnancy Care Center in Monticello sometime between 6:30 and 8:00 PM to share in her memory and legacy. You don’t have to stay long, but we would really love to share her with you all.

On Shyla’s first birthday, we would like for you to take a moment to remember her and all that has occurred because she lived.

Also, if you feel like you would like to contribute to her legacy, please feel free to bring any of the following items to be included in the care packages that we will continue to deliver to the hospital.

• Small Packages of Kleenex

• Large Ace Bandages

• Nursing Pads

• Disposable Cameras

• Small Stuffed Animal

• Blank CD’s and cases

• White Votive Candles

• Journals

• I’ll Hold You In Heaven by Jack Hayford

• A Guide for Fathers: When a Baby Dies by Tim Nelson

• A small pendant or charm saying “hope” or “love” or a butterfly or a heart. Something the mother can wear in memory of her baby is always appreciated. (The remembrance Heart charms can be found at most Christian book stores. These are a heart with a tear cut from the center of it).

• Foot and Handprint Impression Kits

There are more things in the basket, but they are handmade or aren’t as easy to find. Any help with these care packages is much appreciated by us and by the family that recieves it. Something else the hospital is always searching for is preemie sleepers or doll clothing that would fit a baby too small for preemie clothes. Also, handmade preemie (or smaller) hats and blankies are always needed.

Please don’t feel obligated to provide any of the above things and please don’t feel like you can’t come without bringing something. I just knew that some of our friends and family were looking for ways to remember her on her birthday and do something in her memory, so we wanted to provide this list.

Thank you all for your love and support through the past year and in the years to come.

In God’s never ending love,

The Wells Family



Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4