Isaiah 43:5

I have a special child on my heart today.  I don’t know if this child is born yet, or if the child will be (or is) a boy or girl.  I only believe there is a child that is ours and someday we will meet.  I’m feeling a little anxious again to see this child’s face.  I’ve been doing good lately, not wishing things would rush by.  But just the past few days have carried with them a longing to meet our next child.  To see their shining eyes and tell them they are wanted.  They are loved.  They are mine.

 

Someday, sweet child.  Someday.

Update

I  just wanted to post a quick update and prayer requests...

Last Thursday, my uncle (my mom's younger brother) very suddenly passed away.  The whole family was in shock and they are still in need of prayers.  My Grandmother is in her early 80's and just buried her youngest child, he was 55.  His funeral was on Monday.

My dad passed away on Tuesday evening and we are preparing for his visitation and funeral tomorrow and Tuesday.  A lot has gone on and we just need prayers for grace and peace.

No new news on baby.  He's still  hanging in there and seems like he will not be making his grand entrance for a few more days at least.

In spite of the whirlwind week...

God is good.

God is faithful.

God is near...

Waiting...

We are just waiting.  We are trusting and we are waiting.

I cut tags of clothes and washed them.  Hospital bags have been mostly packed.  We pray daily for our child-to-be's birth parents.  I can't imagine what may be going through their minds now.  I pray they are reassured this child will be loved and cared for and adored by so many.

Now we just wait.

I think I have written about waiting before...maybe even a few times...

But this time feels different.  Maybe I'm used to the waiting and it doesn't bother me as bad anymore.  Maybe it's because I have more hope.  I'm not sure what it is, but it is very different.

On another note, my dad is now in the care of Hospice.  Please continue to cover him in prayers.  Also, my brother and sis-in-law are due soon with their little boy too and live many hours from us.  Her grandfather is also very ill and not doing well.  Will you join with me in prayers for them too...


Thanks for all the love and prayers!

Adoption Update

Well, I guess this title is a bit misleading.  There is really no new news in about the adoption.  Things are still were they were in May (as far as I know).  I did have a conversation with our social worker last month when I was sending my employer change letter and she said that the best estimate she had heard was that referrals would resume in late November.  Once they start issuing new referrals, our file would be sent.

So here we are, waiting.  In January we were told to expect a referral by fall...well, I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen since our file hasn't even made it to Korea yet :-)  I'm thinking that if all goes smoothly, we are probably looking at another year before we bring our baby home.  In one breath, that feels so daunting, but in the next I am calm about it.  We have kind of settled into the wait and are putting our hope in Him.

We know that God has the best timing and we know that if we seek Him before all else, He will work all things for our good (Romans 8:28).  

I have been reading other adoptive moms that are now waiting for their referrals.  They describe it as in the last days of pregnancy and the anxiousness of when exactly you will see your baby's sweet face for the first time.  My emotions are more like a momma trying to get pregnant.  Everyday it's like waiting to see if that pregnancy test is positive.  Everyday I wonder if I will get the call (or maybe email) saying that our file is sent and we will officially be on the wait list.    

We are waiting and we are trusting....

The One Thing

One thing I ask from the Lord,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 27:4

As I was reading the Word today, this scripture jumped out at me more than normal.  I had to step back and evaluate if I could honestly say this to the Lord from my heart.  

One thing.  

That's all I should seek.  Everything else will happen according to his face if I seek out this one thing.

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord...

I know that I should be able to say, "Yes!!! That is ALL I want!!!"  But in actuality, I know that sometimes my desires for other things become so big that it becomes hard to focus on that one thing.

I want my babies.  I want Shyla and I want Jakin.  I want this adoption process to be what it was predicted to be in the beginning (a 12 month process beginning to end).  I want Hope in my arms.  I want my family all together.  I want my heart not to be so heavy at times it's hard to see the light at the end of this tunnel.  I want famine to end and the lost to be saved and mother's to love their babies from before those two little pink lines appear.  

But, if I focused more on that one thing, being in the presence of the Lord, these other desires would be met.   Someway, some how.  I will have my babies in Heaven.  We will be reunited.  The Bible promises of that.  If I focus on that one thing, this wait time will be made easier as I focus on God's will.  Not that I make myself busy with all the "good" things I'm doing here on earth, but just with being with Him.  Dwelling in His presence.   If I place my desires on that one thing, I can pray for those who are hungry and hurting and encourage other's to do the same with God's love and guidance.  When I choose to make that one thing the desire of my heart, I will be able to feel joy in the midst of this sad world more freely and still love those who are broken and hurting.

Lord, help me seek and desire that one thing!

Psalms 27 ends by encouraging us:

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

So I encourage you to draw close to Him, desire that one thing and wait take heart while you are waiting for the Lord...

***

Linking up with Soli Deo Gloria Party, Sharing His Beauty, No Ordinary Blog Hop, and On Your Heart Tuesday

Little boy in red and yellow.

August 29th gave us a challenge we have not yet had in this adoption journey.  A phone call from our agency asking if we would be interested in looking a photos of a 19 month old little boy in South Korea that is ready to be adopted.  He had some medical issues at 2 months and his agency was waiting to see if it caused any long term issues.  It hadn't, so now he is 19 months and ready to find his forever family.

August 30th was my Dad's biopsy that officially found his lung cancer and the start of a 4 day hospital stay.

We prayed about this little boy.  When the email with his photos came through, we took a deep breath and looked.  The first thing we did is smile and look at his big eyes and long black hair sitting in the floor in his red and yellow outfit.  We commented on how adorable he was and neither one of us wanted to say what was in our hearts, but later we found out it was the same thing...this is not meant to be our child...

"They" say you will just know when you see your child's face for the first time.  You will know that it is the child meant for your family.  I can tell you that over the next couple of days, I agonized over the decision to see this child's file.  We prayed about it and with Dad in the hospital recovering from the biopsy and a collapsed lung, I had a lot of time to seek God on this.  Naturally, fear set in.  In all forms.

I thought, "What if we do accept to look at this child's file, accept this as a referral, and start this process?  He  would be over 2 when we got to travel...our homestudy is only approved for up to 24 months...would they deny us once we got there for that?"  "What if we don't look at this child's file and no one else does either...what will happen to him?"  "What if this child IS meant for our family?  What if this is his last chance?  What if this is our last chance?"

This was not a decision we took lightly.  We tried to look at it from all angles, but even when we tried to talk about saying yes to even looking at the child's file, but we just did not feel peace about it.

Everyday since then, this little one has been on my heart..  His life right now, his future, his biological family.  Would you all please join with me in praying for the almost 20 month old little boy in the red and yellow outfit.

(I want to clarify that this was not an official referral.  We aren't even technically on the wait list because our file is on hold with our placement agency until Korea starts issuing referrals again this fall.)

Progress...Maybe...

EP's are being issued again in Korea!  I know of at least one family who has gotten their EP and two other's who have seen progress in their files being sent to Korea!
We are still waiting to hear what this means for us.  I've tried to contact our agency, but the person I need to speak to is on a vacation day and I have to wait until tomorrow to talk to her.  Until then...

Denied and Accepted

As I have mentioned before, I have just changed jobs and with that comes a change in health insurance.  I have been getting quotes and talking to agents and we found a plan that we can afford on our new income and not terrible coverage.  I did the phone application last Monday and when I was to be transferred to the underwriting department, all underwriters were busy and I was informed they would call me back in 48 hours to finish the underwriting process.  When Friday ran around and I hadn't heard from them yet, I called to check on the status of my application.  Guess what, I had been....

{via}

Not based on the fact I have a clotting disorder, but based on the fact I am an "expectant parent".

I said, "Really?  But I'm adopting.  I don't need the maternity health care or anything.  The child will be going on my husband's insurance."

She said, "It doesn't matter.  We have to give our policy holders the option of adding a new child to their plan within 30 days of adding to your family and we can't approve you because you are adding a child to your family health unknown."

I tried to argue my point, but it didn't make any difference.  The answer was no.  They will not give me health insurance because I am adopting a child.  Doesn't that seem a little like discrimination?  Sheesh!

On better news...

We got notification that our I600A was...

{via}

So yay!  That means that the US Government approved our petition to adopt an orphan from Korea!  Now, we just have 18 months to bring our baby home before we have to re-file the petition and pay the fee again.  So I can officially say things are out of our hands as we wait for Korea to begin issuing EPs again and our file to be sent.  Yay!



Twists and Turns

{via}

Two weeks ago our file was ready to go to Korea.

The director of our program was in Korea at the time...we were told she would send our file as soon as she got home.

She came home with news instead...

Korea has already met their quota for international adoption visas for the year.  We were told no movement will be seen until late fall. 

Our file will stay in the states for an unknown amount of time.

So we wait.

This is not the end of our journey, we must wait.  At first, we were a little freaked out.  Honestly, we weren't even sure about staying in the Korea program (for a few minutes).  But some time in the past week since we recieved the email, God's peace has washed over our family and I know I needed this time.  If you know me well or have read my other blog at all, you know the last almost two years have been full of being pregnant, trying to get pregnant, trying to stay pregnant, the intense loss of burying two of our children and beginning the adoption process.  God is showing me that I, that we as a family, are given this time as a gift.  Not to say I don't still get frustrated at the thought of all the little ones waiting for their families and all the families waiting for their little ones and all that is keeping them apart is that peice of paper... 

But, we are waiting.  This is just the twisting of the our thread and turning it to an unbreakable cord. 

I plan on writing much more over now.  Everthing is completely out of our hands.  We have done everything in our power and now we wait.

Thank you all for patiently waiting and for praying with us for our little one and all the other little ones waiting.  Their waiting is much harder than ours.  So who am I to complain?

Accepted and Waiting!

I got an email today from our placement agency.

Which do you want to hear first...the good news or the bad news? 

The good news is our pre-application has been accepted!!! YAY!!!

The bad news is there is new time lines.  The Korea Program manager with our placement agency said that families are now seeing wait times between 4 and 6 months before they can fill out their formal appplication.  Just to clarify, we will not be put on a waiting list or any of our paperwork sent to Korea for 4-6 more months.  Then they are seeing a 6-9 month wait until a referral may be made.  What was originally given to us as a 6 month wait to a referral and 3-4 month wait after that to travel has now turned into a 10-15 month wait for referral. 

So, what does all this mean? 

It just means we wait longer.  God's time.  Not ours.  The end.

What do we need right now?

*PRAYER!  Prayer for God's direction in every decision and His divine comfort as we wait.

*Money.  I'm going to be honest.  Adoption is expensive.  We are raising funds and we trust God to walk us through this.  If you know us personally, you know we hate debt and believe the borrower is slave to the lender and think maybe this extra wait time is given to us to raise more funds and save more money.  God's plan.  Not ours.

*Patience.  We are doing ok in this area now.  But Ethan asks us almost everyday when we are going to South Korea to get our baby.  He has experienced so much loss in his life I really just want to protect his heart while we wait.

What are we waiting on?

The next step is getting fingerprints.  We are currently waiting on our letter from CIS to make the trip to get our fingerprints done. 

‎"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."

~Psalm 33:20-22