Jakin's Due Date

Today was Jakin's due date.  It seems like such a long time ago that he was born. 

We spent the day making all kinds of donations.  First we took some hangers to the pregnancy center.  They have just switched out their clothes in the baby boutique from winter to summer and needed some hangers. 

Then we went to the funeral home to donate the books we have been collecting for the Grief Resource Lending Library.  We started this venture after Jakin left us.  In leui of flowers we asked that friends and family donate to the lending library we would be starting.  After almost 5 months, we made the first actual donation of books and found out they have quite a bit more money for us to access and supply the library with books and resources.  Idealy, this will be a place that people who are grieving can go and borrow a book.  We donated 30 books today!

Inside each book, there is a dedication:

Then we went to the regional hospital and donated 4 more care packages for parent's who deliver their baby stillborn.  This is the third or fourth time we have taken these packages.  The nurse there said that they (the nurses) really appreciate having these to give the patients.  She said they gave the last one they had away 2 days ago.

Next, Ben wanted to donate blood.  He usually does it every couple of months so we stopped by the blood center and he donated.

Then on to the last donation of the day.  My hair.  This is the 5th time I have donated my hair and I was so excited to do it.  I had planned on doing it after Jakin was born.  I have donated shortly after each of my babies have been born.  Here is the before shot of the back...

And here is the after:

It will look much nicer when I get to dry it and fix it (and my eyes are open...sheesh...I wish I could take a decent photo!).  I will send it in to Locks of Love tomorrow! (If you are interested in donating your hair as well, you can also look into Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. They make wigs for cancer patients.)

We are all at home now and getting ready to get settled in for a family night.  We're thinking of grilling and watching a funny video.  Thanks to everyone who linked up my last post to remind us of something funny.  We appreciate the thoughts and prayers and laughter!

Book Review: Lazarus Awakening

I was given the amazing opportunity to review Lazarus Awakening by Joanna Weaver for the blog tour.  I really didn't know what to expect when the book arrived in the mail and put off starting it for a few days.  But when I did start it, I couldn't put it down!  Here is a little about the book, Joanna, my review and a blog party with a Kind.le giveaway!

About the book: Lazarus Awakening


Getting God’s Love from Our Heads to Our Hearts

You believe that God loves the world…but sometimes you wonder if He truly loves you.
For many of us, moving the truth of God’s love from our heads to our hearts is a lifelong process. As we consider our inadequacies or grieve our shattered dreams, we find it difficult to believe that God cares for us personally.

In this life-giving book, Joanna Weaver shows you how to embrace the truth that Jesus loves you apart from anything you accomplish, apart from anything you bring. Just as He called Lazarus forth to new life, Jesus wants to free you to live fully in the light of His love, unbound from the graveclothes of fear, regret, and self-condemnation.

Love is calling your name.

Combining unforgettable real-life illustrations with unexpected biblical insights, Joanna Weaver invites you to experience a spiritual resurrection that will forever change your understanding of what it means to be the one Jesus loves.

About Joanna:

Joanna Weaver is known the world over for her transparent and life-changing books, Having A Mary Heart in a Martha World and Having a Mary Spirit. These two books have sold over a million copies and have been translated into several languages including Spanish, French, Dutch, Chinese, German, Korean and more. Joanna has appeared on a wide variety of nationally syndicated radio and television broadcasts. Past appearances include: The Harvest Show, At Home Live With Chuck & Jenni, Midday Connection, HomeWord, and Janet Parschall’s America. She is also a highly sought after speaker and shares her message at intimate gatherings and several high profile events each year. But Joanna's greatest joy is found in being a wife and mother and her role as a pastor’s wife. For more information about Joanna, please visit her website. www.joannaweaverbooks.com.

My Review

This book was more than I expected.  I have studied the story of Lazarus many times, but every time I have really focused on the sisters.  What was it like for Mary and Martha.  They sent word to their savior friend, "The one you love is sick." And waited.  Then their loved one died.  They knew Jesus.  They were friends and yet he waited two more days to come to them.  Yes, I often relate to the sisters.  Grieving and questioning while still loving the one who could have prevented it all.  Joanna writes, "These difficult times-these dark nights of the soul-rattle our convictions and shake the foundations of our faith".  I know so many that when their foundations were shaken, they really understood the rock that it was, or sadly, their foundation was showed not to be on the rock at all.   

In this book, I really began to think more about Lazarus.  What were the first moments in that tomb like?  Joanna has such imagary that I was smiling through my tears as I read the possibilities and about the joy and laughter that would more than likely filled his life after being raised.  That's right, joy and laughter.  If you are a follower of this blog, you know how much those two words mean to me.  Especially when they are seen together.  And in this book, Joanna discusses the laughter and joy that probably over flowed from Lazarus after death no longer had a hold on him. For Lazarus, there was no more fear in death, he had been there.  God had conquered it and he had nothing to fear.  I can't even begin to imagine the joy and laughter that could have filled his life.  This chapter in particular was one of my favorites.

Overall, I thought this book was a great book and I plan on reading it again and referring it to friends!

About the giveaway:


Joanna is celebrating the release of Lazarus Awakening with the Heart of God KINDLE Giveaway!

In Lazarus Awakening Joanna writes about getting God’s love from our heads to our hearts. We all know Jesus loved Mary – look how she worshiped. And we can understand why He loved Martha – after all, look how she served. But what about those of us who don’t know where we fit in the heart of God? Lazarus Awakening explores the tale of the third follower – Mary and Martha’s brother, Lazarus. We never hear him speak, we never see him serve. The only thing of any significance that Lazarus did was to die. And yet, the Bible is clear. Jesus loved Lazarus. And He loves you and me as well. Lazarus Awakening looks at different aspects of the story we find in John 11. We learn what it means to be a friend of God and begin recognizing the tombs we spend far too much time in. Find out more here.

One grand prize winner will receive:

* * A Brand New KINDLE with Wi-Fi
* * Having A Mary Heart in a Martha World
* * Having A Mary Spirit
* * Lazarus Awakening

21 Reasons Bad Things Happen to Good People Book Review

I recently finished reading this book by Dave Earley and I really liked it.  I wanted to review the book, so, I took notes while I read.  Now I have about 12 pages of notes...and if you are going to read 12 pages of notes, you might as well read the whole book!  It's not a very big read, but lots of good points are made in it.  So, instead of giving you ALL my notes, I thought I would just give you some quotes that stood out to me the most.




The author begins the book with several important truths.  For example, God is under no obligation to give us an explanation for suffering and God can do more than one good thing through the bad things that happen to us.  He lists others and then begins with reason number one "The Reason No One Wants to Hear".    Basically, God created a good, pure world and people choose evil.  Bad things happen.  Period.  We live in a broken world.  This, to me is a comfort and not a comfort at all.  On one hand this could mean that bad things just happen with no reason and I was not being punished for some unknown sin.  On the other hand, its a little worrysome to think bad things, extrememly bad things can happen to any one and any time, but they can.

" You are not alone on the road of suffering.  Although often very lonely, it is heavily traveled and have been since the earliest days of history."  It does bring some comfort knowing others know and have known the pain you are going through  AND that they survived or even better turned it to glory for God!

An interesting fact I learned in this book that I had never really paid any attention to before is that after Chapter 2 in the book of Job, Satan is never mentioned.  He started this whole thing and he is the one who brought such suffering to such a Godly man, but after Job refused to "curse God and die" (as his wife urged him to do) Satan shut-up and is not mentioned for the other 40 chapters of Job.  Job then got double of everything he lost back (except his children...all ten of his children died when Satan attacked and he had ten more when blessings started abounding...the reason was explained later in the book).

Reason number 3 might be To Expand Our Perspective of God.  In the book of Job, there are 38 chapters of Job petitioning God for an answer for all his pain and tragedy and 38 chapters of silence from God.  Early points out that "More significantly than recieving an explanation of our pain is embracing a bigger view of God through our pain".  He also quotes A.W. Tozer saying, "The [one] who comes to a right belief about God is relieved of ten thousand temporal problems, for he sees at once that these have to do with matters which at the most cannot concern him for very long."  This meaning when we see what matters (God) things that we thought mattered (having the nicest house and car or going through a trivial issue) simply don't anymore.  (Please note I am not saying the loss of a child is a trivial issue.  I'm looking at this book from a perspective of life in general and thinking of some of the "bad things" that anyone might face.  Not just the loss of a child.)

"It is only through setbacks, suffering, and sorrows that we really understand who we are, who we aren't and even more important, who He is."

"God is magnetically drawn to the brokenhearted."

Reason number 6 in the book was To Prepare Us for Greater Blessing.  For Job it was literal and physical.  After his loss and agony, Job then gained back twice the number of livestock, money, and went on to have 10 more children.  For us, the gain we have in Heaven will be much more than we can imagine.  For me and Ben, we look at it like this...if our babies lives have touched anyone eternally (meaning they accept Christ into their hearts) then our babies have blessed them (and their children...and whomever they witness to and bring to Heaven with them) their lives have not been meaningless.  We may not see these blessings on Earth, but in Heaven.  Also, the author explains why Job would have gained 2x the amount of everything except the children.  His answer touched me.  The loss of Job's 10 children was only temporary.  He saw them again in Heaven.  And even if he had then had 20 children...they would not have simply replaced the ten that died.  He had ten children before disaster struck, they went to Heaven, then when abundance blessed Job's life, he had ten more children.  One day, all of them will be together in Heaven and he will have all 20 of his children together!

"Without the process of pain, we are unprepared for prosperity."

"When we experience the immenent threat of great pain and total loss, we always face a choice: We can run to God and trust Him or we can turn from Him and run away."

Reason number 9 in the book is To Increase the Testimony of God.  Daniel was thrown into a pit of lions and not harmed because God was with him.  Many people saw and believed because of Daniel's trial.

This is probably my favorite part.  About the pearl.  The author quotes Chuck Swindoll in telling how a pearl is formed:

For an unknown reason, the shell of the oyster gets cracked and an alien substance - a grain of sand - slips inside.  On the entry of that foriegn irritant, all the resources within the tiny, sensative oyster rush to the spot and begin to release healing fluids that otherwise would have remained dormant.  By and by the irritant is covered and the wound is healed - by a pearl.

Had there been no pain, there would have been no pearl. 

This next two quotes reminds me of all these beautiful ladies I have met online and our relationship.

"Think of me as a fellow-patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a little earlier, could give you some advice."

The author quotes a mother who lost their child to SIDS as saying, "It's as though people who have lost someone precious speak a different language.  I don't have to explain things.  There is a clear understanding that is so comforting."

"In pain, we learn to live God's word."

"The best style of prayer is that which cannot be called anything but a cry."

The author quotes Virginia Womach, a woman whose husband was severly burned and deformed by fire in a plane crash as saying:

"Although it sounds strange, I feel it is an honor that God chose us.  God had a purpose in all our suffering, and I believe it is to share the strength we have gained from it with others who have suffered or who will suffer tragedy in their lives."

Her husband is quoted as saying, "God has tested us through the fire.  And out of the suffering He was making something beautiful in our lives."

This book was hard to read at times.  To say that bad things happen for this reason or that.  But, remember, this is just some reasons a bad thing might have happened, not that they are the reason that it did happen.  Also, if you chose to read this book, it is good to remember that bad things happen because we live in an imperfect world.  Since sin first entered this world, bad things happen. 

I really liked this book.  It opened my eyes to unseen things and encouraged me to press forward in reaching out to others.  I hope you like it too!

Each book below is linked to a place where the book can be purchased.  Also, books that I have read will include my review of the book (after I have typed it on this blog).

Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss

A Guide for Fathers: When a Baby Dies
By Tim Nelson

I flipped through this book, but felt like I was intruding on a private code for fathers...so I handed it to my husband.  He read it and said I must include it in the care packages we take to the hospital.  I think it is something most people look over, the grief of a father, so this is a much needed resource.




An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination
By Elizabeth McCracken

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart

Surviving the Death of Your Baby

By Deborah L. Davis 

Gone Too Soon: The Life and Loss of Infants and Unborn Children

By Sherri Devashrayee Whittwer

Grieving the Child We Never Knew

By Kathe Wunnenberg



I'll Hold You in Heaven

By Jack Hayford

This was one of the first books I read after Shyla went to Heaven.  The words that the author uses are comforting and helped to relieve the guilt I felt as a mother of a stillborn baby.  Mr. Hayford also uses scripture to support that we WILL see our babies in Heaven again as long as we have asked Christ into our hearts and are living as Christians.  The scriptures he uses supports that we will know our children in Heaven and that they are safe and pain free in the most wonderful place imaginable. 

I highly recommend this book.  That is why I include it in all the care packages I take to the hospital.

I'll Hold You in Heaven Remembrance Book

By Debbie Haydrick

I Will Carry You

The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy

By Angie Smith

Angie and Todd Smith are both blessed with so many talents.  He has an amazing voice and sings in the Christian music group, Selah.  Selah sings Audrey's song, also known as "I Will Carry You".  Angie has the talent of writing.  During Angie's pregnancy of their daughter, Audrey Caroline, they were told their precious daughter was "incompatable with life" and would not survive long after birth, if she was not stillborn.  Angie's book is an amazing testament to her faith, God's love, and the beauty of every life, no matter how short.  She gracefully speaks of the moments in her pregnancy where she would fight with the diagnosis and cry and beat on the steering wheel of her car after attending a baby shower for a friend.  She tells how she stood over the plot she was picking out for her daughter while she felt her wiggling around inside and the thoughts that went through her mind.  You can go click here to read my full review and experience with this book. 

I had read this book after Shyla went to Heaven and before I was pregnant with Jakin.  When we got Jakin's heart dianosis, all I could pray was the words Angie echoes in her book from the sisters of Lazarus..."Jesus, the one you love is sick." 

In a Heartbeat

By Dawn Siegrist Waltman

I read this book shortly after Shyla went to Heaven.  It resembles a journal kept by a mother after loss.  It includes the thoughts and feelings we go through as we go through the first year after loss.

The author does a good job being true to the emotions felt by a parent at this time, but she also offers lots of hope and encouragement.  I enjoyed reading this book.

Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven About the Death of a Child

By John MacArthur

Books for Siblings for when a Baby Dies

No New Baby

For Siblings that Have a Brother or Sister Die Before Birth

By Marilyn Gryte

We Were Going to Have a Baby, but We had an Angel Instead

By Pat Schweibert

Books about the Loss of a Child of any Age

Choosing to See

By Mary Beth Chapman

I just love this woman.  She is honest and doesn't try to hide the pain of loss.  During the course of this book, I laughed as much as I cried.  She has had some very hilarious experiences in her life; she has also struggled with anxiety, grief and fear.  The book shares her experiences as self-conscious teen, the wife to Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman, the process of adopting three precious girls from China, and the grief of one of those daughters being taken to Heaven as a result of an accident in the driveway of their Tennessee home.  

The truth and honestly Mary Beth shares in this book is beautiful.  I highly recommend this read!

Grieving Forward
Embracing Life Beyond Loss
By Susan Duke

Books about Grief and Loss in General

A Grief Observed
By CS Lewis




21 Reasons Bad Things Happen to Good People
By Dave Earley


I really learned a lot from this book and recommend it to anyone going through a trial.  To read my full post about my views of this book, click here.

Disappointment With God
By Philip Yancey

Good Grief

By Granger E. Westburg

I read this book shortly after loosing Jakin.  It is a good book, especially for some one who hasn't firsthand expereinced grief themself.  It explains the different "stages" of grief and that the feelings grieving people have are normal. 

To read my ful review of this book, click here.

The Good Grief Club

By Monica Novak

Where is God When it Hurts?

By Philip Yancey

Pregnancy After Loss

Pregnancy After a Loss
A Guide to Pregnancy after Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death

By Carol Cirulli Lanham

Still to Be Born

By Pat Schwiebert

Good Grief

(First let me apologize for the length of this post.  Once I got typing, I just couldn't stop.  Thanks for being a brave soul and sticking with it if you get to the end!)

I'm at it again.  Reading that is.  In the weeks and months after Shyla went to Heaven, I read every book I could get my hands on about infant loss and grief.  I needed to know I wasn't alone and the feelings I was having were normal.

This time, I'm at it to help make informed decisions.  As I mentioned before, we are working with the funeral home to start a lending library of books to help those who are grieving the loss of some one they love.  We are donating books primarily related to the loss of a child, but I already have a few books on loss in general I hadn't yet read, so I started reading.

Last night after Ethan got tucked in, I started reading Good Grief by Granger E. Westberg.



In this book, the author primarily discusses the "stages" of grief and examples of many types of loss, not just loss through death.

Stage One
The first stage is, of course, shock.  Westbert says, "...when the sorrow is overwhelming, we are sometimes temporarily anesthetized in response to tragic experience."  I can say that I don't think I felt the shock as much with Shyla as I did with Jakin.  Which I think is odd.  Shyla's death came as a total shock.  We thought she was healthy and happy.  I did get the feeling something might be wrong, or otherwise we would not have went to labor and delivery that night.  But with Jakin, we had seen his tiny heart beating much, much too quickly during ultrasounds and we knew that his heart could not keep beating like that forever.  But, still, when the cardiologist and the ultrasound tech noticed something was wrong, I did not cry.  I squeezed Ben's hand and just kept asking questions about what was next.  On the way to the OB, I did not cry.  I prayed and I told God what Lazarus' sisters told Jesus and what Angie Smith so poignantly prayed for her daughter, "Lord, the one you love is sick" and repeated over and over a scripture that had been given to me, "Life and not death will be my part and I will share the story of the Lord."  But when we arrived and the doctor scanned my tummy for any signs of life, none were found.  I still did not cry.  I asked him what choices I had and asked him if we could go home.  A few tears ran down my cheeks, but nothing like the sobbing that took place when we saw that still black and white screen almost 15 months ago.  I really didn't let loose and cry until the day before Jakin's funeral.  My milk had came in and I no longer could walk around pretending my physical pain was from anything else.  I had to face it...and it hit me hard.

Stage Two
Stage two is when we express emotion.  I guess I really hit this on Saturday, the day before Jakin's service.  The difference with Shyla is that emotion was bubbling out of me from the first moment we knew she was in Heaven.  I didn' hold back anything.  And I pretty much haven't held back anything since that moment, until we were told we would do it all over again.  Say goodbye to our sweet baby.  My husband has shown his emotion more freely with Jakin's loss.  Maybe that is why I have not shown mine like I have in the past.  I'm not sure.  About showing emotion and men, Westberg says, "The Scriptures clearly show that when great calamities came to the hardy men of faith they wept bitterly; their 'tears were with them all the night long'."  Westberg is quick also do describe the difference between showing emotion and emotionalism.  One point I was glad he made was to point out how a great fault of intellectual Protestantism has tended to stifle emotion.  The church has went so far out of its way to not be led by emotions (emotionalism) that most Sunday morning services resemble more of a lecture series than worship service.  God has blessed us and He is worthy of praise!  Not merely showing up, shaking hands and going home.  Real, living, thankful beyond words, praise!

Stage Three
Stage three of grief is when we may feel depressed and lonely.  Been there.  Done that.  Even those who are close to us don't really know the full extent of our loss.  Actually, our own minds have yet to wrap around it I think.  It is not just that we lost a pregnancy.  We lost a child...two children.  Our children.  Children that we had planned spending the rest of our lives enjoying.  The hopes of seeing their children as well. Our futures as we saw them here on this earth forever changed, not once, but twice.  Westberg points out that the loneliness and depression can be helped by "the constant, consistent, concern who really care about them " who mourn. 

Stage Four

The fourth stage is that our grief may create phychosomatic symptoms.  We can grieve so hard our body may ache and we may feel physical pain.  I do think grief also can make the physical pain (from childbirth) more excruciating and thus the recovery process longer.

Stage Five

Stage five is when we may become panicky.  When we get to the point that we can no longer focus on other things, we are forgetful and easily frustrated that our minds do not seem to function like they should or used to be able to.  I know after Shyla died, it was probably at least 4-6 months before my mind really started focusing again.  When we got pregnant with Jakin, I noticed a slight relapse, but I just figured it was "pregnancy brain".  Now I see that my grief from Shyla may have been causing these symptoms.  Now I can see the effects of this again already.  But, this time I'm prepared and wont think I'm going crazy.  I've been here before.  Westberg points out, "When we have been briefed about some of the tricks grief plays on our minds, then we are not overwhelmed by the disturbing thoughts that seek to take over."  I will not wonder if I am going absolutely crazy when I loose my keys for the third time in a week or when I can't find a random object and then it appears in the fridge.  It's normal...for me anyway...

Stage Six

The sixth stage is when we feel a sense of guilt about the loss.  Now would be a good time to point out just because he has these listed in stages does not mean they are cyclical.  They do not always move in a set time line.  Guilt, for me (and most loss mama's I talk to) starts very early in the grief experience.  When the life inside you is depending on you to keep it alive and something happens.  It is natural to start wondering what you did wrong...what you could have done differently and in most cases the answer is NOTHING.  Most mama's do everything in their power to keep their little ones safe.  But that doesn't mean those thoughts don't cloud your mind.  I know they did (and do) mine sometimes.

Stage Seven

Stage seven is when we become filled with anger and resentment.  "When we have something precious taken from us we inevitably go through a stage when we are very critical of everything and everyone related to the loss"  I found this stage (thankfully) not to be as large an issue for me.  I know my doctors did everything they could.  This more goes back to the guilt issue for me.  I feel like I should have insisted on this or that being checked.  I did harbor some resentment to "the system".  Whoever decided that women should not be checked for clotting disorders BEFORE a woman becomes pregnant or at the beginning of pregnancy was crazy!  I hope to someday advocate for these tests to be mandatory...as one mama put it, "Stop testing me for STD's and test me for something I might really have!"  Anyway...about not being resentful... :)

Stage Eight

Stage eight is when we resist returning to life as we knew it.  We feel as if "we must not allow things to go back to normal again."  For us, we know "normal" is objective.  We will never be the same.  The author warns that while we must attempt it, when we try to get back to life as normal, we may find it to be very painful.  I know I did.  Going back to work was a decision I agonized with....and I will probably agonize again.  It's not that I don't like my job, I do.  I work in a great school with great kids and staff.   But going back to that same office and the same people and walking the same halls was very difficult.  Very.  And now, I have to do it again.  As Westberg discusses this stage, he discusses how differently people used to mourn.  Black arm bands or veils used to be worn as a sign of mourning.  People could take much time off work and people spoke of loss and death.  He says that it "is part of the task of friends to help keep the memory of loved ones alive, to show concern for one another and particularly when someone has suffered a great loss".  So, friends, thank you for doing just that.  For reading this blog, for writing Shyla's name and praying for Jakin.  You all mean so much to me and my family.

Stage Nine

Stage nine is when hope gradually starts coming through.  Hope, for me, usually begins immediately, but in small doses.  As time passes, and God works on my heart, hope is more evident.  Spread hope.  Be kinder than necessary, you never know the path another person is on.  YOU could be the hope they need on any given day!

Stage Ten
The tenth and final stage is when we struggle to affirm reality.  When we face the reality of our loss and begin to live life again we realize we have either come out stronger or weaker.  My prayer for each of you is that you come out stronger.  That you are now equipped to help others through these stages and be the hope others need to see.  I pray that we do that as well.

Overall...

Overall, this book was good. I would recommend it for anyone who knows someone who is going through loss, not just to the person in the depths of the loss experience.  We know the stages...we live them...but our family, friends or co-workers may be curious about grief and this book is a good one to cover the basics.

Angie's Book

I know many of you are familiar with Angie Smith and the story of her precious Audrey.  If you aren't you really need to go check out her blog.  I would give you a summary of who she is, but it would not do her or the love she has for God any justice in my own words.  Just trust me.

Anyway.  I was blessed enough to win a giveaway that Kelly at Sufficient Grace Ministries was doing of Angie's book, I Will Carry You!  Which is really amazing, because I was getting ready to order my own when I found out I won.  So now, I still plan on buying one, but giving it as a gift.

I won this book some time ago, but just started reading it last week.  (I do book reviews for publishing companies and I had a few due before I could get to a book strictly for enjoyment). 

All I can say is WOW.  Their story.  Their faith.  Their love for their children.  It all was beautiful and breathtaking.  The thing that struck me the most was her love for the Lord.  She so eloquently writes about the balance of grief and love and joy.  All the contradictions parent who experience loss live with each day.  Her honesty was refreshing.  Let's not sugar-coat it people.  This is awful, but you know what, it all goes back to Him.  We don't have to have the answers and that's OK.  The way she relates to scripture and all the amazing ways she loves her daughter are inspirational.

I highly recommend this book!

I read through it quickly, but I want to read through it again and study what she says.  Her reflection of the story of Lazarus and Mary and Martha and the loss of her daughter really just moved me so much. 

Angie and her family just welcomed their fifth child, Charlotte and I couldn't be happier for them.  Please keep them in your prayers as they live out their lives as great examples and as honest, real, people who really love the Lord.