Big News!

Wow...it has been a LONG time since I posted on this blog.  I think I needed some time away, and while I miss blogging, I'm not ready to say I'm going to dive back in.  With that being said, there have been many changes in our lives during the past few weeks and in turn, there will be many changes here on this blog.

I've started writing several times about all these changes and I never can get them all out, the delete button is worn out and I know I will never have the perfect words to express my awe of Him and His plans, so here goes...

If it be God's will and as far as we know...we will be bringing a baby into our home in 2-4 weeks!

There is a very brave woman who only wants the best for her children who is due in a few weeks and has asked us if we would like to pursue an independent, semi-open adoption.  We have met with this wonderful woman two times now and talked on the phone several times.  We have met with an attorney.  The papers are all ready to go.  A crib has been assembled and our homestudy has been changed.  And now we wait.

I hope to go back in time and write individual posts about all of this journey, but everything started happening so quickly, I just haven't had the time!  In a matter of days, we went from thinking that we may be adopting an almost 2 yr old little girl from Korea sometime in the next two years to bringing home an infant boy through a domestic adoption in a matter of weeks!

What will this do for us and Korea?  Well, at the very least, it will put it on hold and we are seeking God as to when we should (or even could) pursue an international adoption again at some point.

Just to give you a little hint as to how God has had his hand in all of this, I wanted to share this little "God wink".  January 14, 2011 we signed our very first piece of adoption paperwork.  January 14, 2012, one year to the day later, we met "A" the very brave birthmom I mentioned earlier.

Again, I hope to share details soon...or at least the details we feel comfortable sharing at this point.

As for now, pray for "A" as she is going through a lot of stressful situations right now and we want to cover her in prayer.  Also pray for the birthfather.  Pray for Ben and I as we are preparing to be parents to a newborn again (something we thought would never happen...but are SO thrilled that it is), pray for Ethan as he is noticing changes around our home and wanting to know more about this baby.  Pray we have the right words for him to understand.  Pray that everything that needs to happen legally runs smoothly and the process is peaceful and healing for all parties involved.

Thank you all who are now reading this, for hanging in there with us through all these changes and for the prayers!!!

Giveaway Winners!

I still have family in from out of state, so this post is just a quick notification of the winners from the giveaways!

Winner of the One Year of Joy and Laughter is Alison!

The winners of the Memory Books are Ian's Mommy and Alissa!

The winner of the CD is Melissa!

I am going to start working on the gifts for all who entered next week too!  I also need to post about Christmas. Just not enough hours in the day!

I hope  you all had a peaceful Christmas and are preparing for a blessed New Year!

Merry Christmas! (and a Giveaway!)

Merry Christmas readers!!!

I have been pretty absent the past couple of weeks, but today I am co-hosting the last day of Tina's 25 Days of Giveaways!  Yay!  Since I know ya'll have tons of things to do and family to spend time with, I'll keep it short and sweet!

First off, I know that since today is Christmas, so I thought I would give away some gifts that would be good for the New Year.

Giveaway #1

My babies in Heaven have beautiful names.  Shyla Joy and Jakin Isaac.  The mean Creative Joy and God Will Establish Laughter.  So what better thing to give to one of you than this One Year of Joy and Laughter Devotional?  I seriously want to keep it for myself.  Joy and Laughter were both things that were (and sometimes still are) hard to come by after the loss of a child or children.

  
(source)

Giveaway #2

In the Company of Angels  
A Memorial book from www.pregnancyloss.info
This memorial book is basically a baby book for a loss mom.  It is beautifully done.  (And please still enter for this item if you have lost twins or more than one baby...I have two to give away!  My babies were not twins, but I feel the need to keep everything "even" just as if they were here.)


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Giveaway #3

The third giveaway is a CD.  This CD has a selection of songs that have helped me through the loss of my two beautiful babies and many of the songs are included in the care packages that we take to the hospitals and have been used in memorial services around the country (I sent several of these CD's to October 15th event organizers last year).

TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAYS:

The giveaways will be open until 11:59pm December 27th and winners will be announced the next day.  I would like to also offer something special to everyone that enters, but it will be a surprise, so please leave the following info when commenting below:

*Which item(s) you would like to be entered for (just let me know if you would be happy winning any of the items or if you just want to be entered for a specific one or two).

*Your baby or babies names.

*Your email address.

*And if you would like please include something that has brought you joy or laughter since your loss.

Love and Hugs to all and I hope you all have had a Merry, Peaceful, Joyful Christmas.

Just Catching Up

My guest post for 12 Days of Christmas with you in Heaven posted today at Small Bird Studios.  I wrote out our Christmas Stocking Project and how much it has blessed us at Christmas time.  I think I will do this again this year...

Jakin's first birthday in Heaven (aka Thanksgiving Day) has come and gone and I haven't had a chance to post about it.  It was a hard day.  Much harder than Shyla's first was.  Maybe because on her first we had the hope for him...I'm not sure...but we did spend much time together as a family.  I cried when I needed to cry and we took him a balloon and visited the cemetery.  I also spent most of the morning making the Christmas saddles for their rocks.  Complete with white poinsettias (and a pink and blue one too!) glitter and a sparkling dragonfly each.

 It was a long day and honestly, I'm kind of glad it has passed. It is so much easier to look on the holidays with Joy after the hardest days have passed and I know that that day was the hardest.

We got our Christmas tree on Sunday and putting the ornaments on is always such a rush of memories.  This year was no different.  Each ornament was placed with love and a smile.  We have so many ornaments from Shyla's first Christmas in Heaven and a few from Jakin's last year as well.  Also adorning our tree are ornaments Ethan has picked out every year and a picture from the day he was born.  I now also have many of the ornaments from when I was a child.  It was a beautiful night decorating the tree (except when the beautiful live tree took a nose dive on me!)

Anyway, I'm still here and I plan on updating again soon.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are preparing for a peaceful Christmas season.

Much love.

November in Review

I've been in kind of a rut lately, but I really want to get back into blogging.  I don't guess not writing for 2...well, 3 weeks is considered being out of blogging, but I feel like I need it.  It's like therapy to me.  Writing and putting myself out here makes me accountable with my emotions and helps me see things from a different point of view.

So, in an effort to get back into the swing of things. I'm going to do this ridiculously random post.  Ready?  Here goes...

First off, 11-11-11.  We had fun with carrots and home made pizza sticks. And we wrote a whole lot of ones.

Thanksgiving has come and gone and we did lots of fun Thanksgiving-ish things that week.  Mostly with food.  Have I mentioned just how much I love pinterest?  These are all photos of creations I copied from ideas I found there.

(found this idea here)

(found this idea here...but I like how our colors turned out better)

(and found this idea here and made some adjustments to what we had at home.)

We also had our "Thankful turkey" in our kitchen.  Every night we would all write something we were thankful for on a feather and add it to our turkey.  These were just some of my favorite feathers written by Ethan...

Thanksgiving Day (November 24) was also our third child, Jakin Isaac's 1st birthday in Heaven.  One year ago on the 23rd he passed away in the womb and on the 24th he was born.  My brother and sis-in-law sent us flowers to let us know they were thinking of us.  It was a pretty hard day, to be quite honest.  But we spent it with family and I spent the morning making the Christmas saddles for Shyla and Jakin's rocks.

Lets see, what else was going on in November...Ethan finally got to watch Cars Two and loved it.  He has rekindled his love for his toy cars and has been playing with and drawing them like crazy.

I learned how to make cinnamon-sugar donuts.  And they are yummy.  And I made them again this morning.  And (enter guilty mommy voice here) Ethan ate two and about three donut holes for breakfast this morning.

I also started working on LOTS of handmade gifts that I will just have to wait until after Christmas to post because you just never know who might come across this little ol blog of mine before then.

I guess I'm about all caught up!  Except to say that we have had massive issues with internet and computers and it has taken me 2 days to write this post.  And now I remember why I haven't been posting as often!  Hopefully we can get this all resolved soon and this can get to be much easier and more enjoyable again.

Be sure to check back soon, because I have several posts in the works.  An update on my dad, a giveaway, an interview and an adoption post.  And we will probably throw in a fundraiser somewhere in there for good measure!

Thank you all for your love and prayers!

Remembering Jakin's Healing

One year ago today, Jakin's heart was healed and he went home to Heaven.  I've just re-read my post from that day and I only kind-of remember writing it.  I have no doubt God was carrying us through those days.  It's a little harder today than it was then, in a way.  I don't know what I should be doing today.  I'm not sure how much more I can even elaborate, words are kind of escaping me today.  So I will just leave it quoting myself from my post I wrote one year ago today...

Ecclesiastes 7:1 says "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth."  

Today was better than tomorrow.  

 

(source)

I woke up at 4:00 this morning.  And I couldn't go back to sleep.  First my mind went to some Christmas gifts I need to make.  Then on to my to-do-list today. Then I couldn't help it going where it has been going lots lately.  To my littlest child.  Jakin's first birthday in Heaven is next week.  I grieve that I feel like we will not celebrate his life the same way we did Shyla's.  We had a beautiful celebration for her 1st.  Jakin's first is on Thanksgiving Day.  I know it wont happen.  I know there will be very few that think to speak his name that day.  

I laid there this morning and asked my husband a "why" question.  I knew he wouldn't have the answer...and I really give an honest effort to stay away from the "why"s.  I asked him "Why did he have to die at Thanksgiving? Isn't it enough we buried two of our children?  Shyla's original due date was Thanksgiving too. Double whammy.

I'm having a harder time being at peace now than I was when we were approaching Shyla's first.  I wish I could keep from comparing them.  But I can't help it.  Don't we all try to treat our children fairly?  What we do for one, do for the other(s)...

I really need some prayers to help me focus on God and his peace right now.  I know that those things can be found only in Him.  I need His strength, and I need him to carry me through.  I have no doubt He is near, but sometimes the grief is just stronger than others.  

And now is one of those times.